The jump from high school to college is one of the most overlooked transitions for neurodivergent students—and one of the most dangerous if handled poorly. In this episode of Stress-Free IEP, Frances Shefter sits down with executive functioning coach Cindy Palmer to break down what actually makes or breaks that transition.
This isn’t about getting into college. It’s about surviving—and thriving—once you’re there.
Why the College Transition Is So Different
Frances opens with a reality check: parents go from being deeply involved to suddenly being shut out. Once a student turns 18, colleges legally stop communicating with parents.
Cindy adds a deeper layer—this isn’t just a transition for students. It’s a transition for parents too.
In high school:
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Parents, teachers, and IEP teams often act as the student’s executive functioning system.
In college:
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That system disappears overnight.
If a student has relied heavily on support, the gap can feel like falling off a cliff.
The Core Problem: Executive Function Collapse
Cindy highlights the biggest issue: students don’t suddenly gain executive functioning skills just because they graduated.
College demands:
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Time management
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Long-term planning
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Independent studying
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Self-monitoring
But no one is checking:
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If assignments are done
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If exams are coming
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If the student is keeping up
Students get a syllabus—and they’re on their own.
The 10 Most Important Skills to Build Before College
1. Self-Advocacy Is Non-Negotiable
Students must be able to answer three questions:
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What am I good at?
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What do I struggle with?
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How does my ADHD (or other difference) impact my learning?
If they can’t explain this, they can’t get the right accommodations.
And here’s the truth: no one is going to ask for them.
2. Students Must Speak for Themselves
Cindy pushes this hard:
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Students should lead IEP meetings (or at least actively participate)
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They should talk during doctor appointments
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They should email teachers themselves
Frances reinforces this—start early. Even younger students can say:
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What’s working
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What’s not
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What they need
That skill compounds over time.
3. Test Accommodations Early
High school is the testing ground.
Students need to:
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Try extended time
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Try quiet testing environments
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Figure out what actually helps
Because in college, guessing is too late.
The challenge? Social stigma.
Many students avoid accommodations because they don’t want to stand out. That needs to be addressed early.
4. Medication Management Can Derail Everything
This is one of the most practical—and overlooked—issues.
Problems that come up:
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Prescriptions don’t transfer easily across state lines
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Pediatricians may drop patients at 18
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ADHD meds require strict refills and tracking
Worst-case scenario:
A student runs out of medication during finals week.
Cindy’s advice:
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Set up doctors in advance
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Practice managing prescriptions now
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Teach students how to call doctors and pharmacies
If they can’t do that, college will expose it fast.
5. Plan Mental Health Support Before It’s Needed
This is blunt: waiting until there’s a crisis is a mistake.
Cindy recommends:
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Getting on multiple therapy waitlists near campus before school starts
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Understanding how campus counseling works (it’s often limited)
Important reality:
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Many college counseling centers are overwhelmed
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Students may not get consistent care
Better to have options lined up early.
6. Parents Must Stop Being the Reminder System
This is where most families fail.
Cindy says it clearly:
“You are not the system.”
Students need to:
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Forget things
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Experience consequences
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Build their own systems
Parents need to:
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Step back
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Let small failures happen now
Because the alternative is bigger failures later.
7. Waking Up Independently Is a Skill
Sounds simple. It’s not.
If a student can’t wake up without help:
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They will miss classes
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They will fall behind immediately
Solutions:
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Alarm systems across the room
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Apps that require physical movement
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Creative (even ridiculous) wake-up methods
Bottom line: parents cannot be the alarm clock anymore.
8. Documentation Matters More Than You Think
Colleges have strict rules about accommodations:
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Some require recent evaluations (within 1–3 years)
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Some require full psychological reports
Waiting too long creates a bottleneck:
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Evaluations are hard to schedule
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Summer timelines are tight
Frances adds a key tip:
Parents can request updated evaluations through the school system—often at no cost.
9. Use College-Specific Accommodations
College offers things high school doesn’t:
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Housing accommodations (e.g., single rooms, proximity to dining halls)
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Priority registration
These can be game-changers.
Example:
A student who can’t function early in the morning can schedule classes later in the day—if they have priority registration.
But they must:
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Know about it
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Ask for it
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Justify it
10. Learn Campus Resources Before Arrival
Students should already know:
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Where the disability office is
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How the tutoring center works
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Where to get mental health support
And most importantly:
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Who their “safe person” is
That could be:
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An advisor
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A resident assistant
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A coach
Everyone needs someone to go to when things start falling apart.
The Reality Check: Most Students Don’t Ask for Help
Only 24% of students disclose their disability in college.
That means:
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The majority go without support
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Not because they don’t need it—but because they don’t ask
Cindy warns against the “fresh start” mindset:
Students think ADHD won’t follow them. It does.
Accommodations can sit unused—but they need to exist.
What Parents Must Change (This Is the Hard Part)
Shift from Manager → Consultant
Cindy breaks this down perfectly:
Manager mindset:
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“I’m in control”
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“I have the answers”
Consultant mindset:
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“It’s your call”
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“I’m here if you need me”
That phrase matters:
“It’s your call.”
It transfers responsibility.
Use the “I Do, We Do, You Do” Model
Parents should:
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Show how to do something
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Do it together
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Let the student do it alone
Messy? Yes.
Necessary? Also yes.
Ask More Questions, Give Fewer Answers
Be a question mark, not:
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A period (final answer)
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An exclamation point (command)
Let them think—even if you know they’re about to mess up.
Final Insight: You Can’t Just Let Go—You Have to Hand Off
Cindy ends with a critical point.
If parents step back too quickly:
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Everything can fall apart
Instead:
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Add support systems (coach, mentor, tutor)
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Create a bridge to independence
Because the goal isn’t sudden independence.
It’s supported independence.
Bottom Line
College success for neurodivergent students doesn’t depend on intelligence.
It depends on:
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Self-awareness
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Systems
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Practice
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Support
Start building those now—or college will force the lesson later.
And that version is much harder.
If you think you need help navigating transitions reach Cindy here.
Or book a Free Case Analysis with us to help you with anything special education related.
