Don’t Let the School Define Your Child’s Potential:  IEPs, Expectations, and Big Dreams 

By: Frances Shefter, Esq. 

What Do You Really Want for Your Child? 

What do you want for your child? 
 
I mean—what do you really want? 
 
For them to go to Harvard? 
To become a doctor? 
To be a famous football star? 
 
Great goals. Truly. 
 
But here’s the real question: what does your child want for themselves? 

Your Child’s Dreams Matter—Even When They Change 

Let’s unpack that for a moment. 
 
Most parents would agree—we want our children to be happy and healthy. We want them to reach their potential and become the best versions of themselves. When my children were younger, their dreams changed constantly. One wanted to be an artist, then a teacher, then a mommy, and even a lawyer. And that’s exactly how it should be. 
 
Looking at friends’ children, I’ve heard dreams of becoming ballerinas, firefighters, singers, and yes—princesses. Every single one of those dreams deserves encouragement. 

The Damage Low Expectations Can Do 

I still remember being told, when I was younger, that I wasn’t smart enough to go to law school. 
 
Oof. 
 
That comment did a real number on my self-confidence. I loved the law class I took in high school, but after hearing that? I quietly let that dream go. Thankfully, that wasn’t the end of the story—but I digress. 

How This Shows Up in IEP Meetings 

So what’s the point? 
 
Your child has dreams and aspirations of their own. Don’t shoot them down—even if they seem unrealistic right now. Encourage exploration. Let them try, fail, pivot, and try again. Build their confidence to experiment and take risks. Eventually, they will find their way. 

“Appropriate” Doesn’t Mean Minimal 

Too often, schools limit students because they don’t fit neatly into the programs being offered. Do not let the school define your child’s potential. Push the limits. Ask questions. Hold the school accountable. 
 
Legally, schools are not required to provide the best possible education—but they are required to provide an appropriate education. 
 
And appropriate does not mean minimal. 

Schools Cannot Limit a Child Based on Convenience 

Appropriate means an education that is ambitious in light of your child’s abilities. 
 
Just because a child struggles with Algebra does not mean they should be limited to basic addition and subtraction forever. Just because a program is convenient for the school does not mean it’s appropriate for your child. 

An IEP Should Be Ambitious and Individualized 

Your child’s IEP should reflect who they are, where they are going, and what they are capable of becoming—not the limits of a system built for efficiency. 

Believe in Your Child—and Expect the School to Do the Same 

When we believe in our children—and insist that schools do the same—we give them the space to dream, grow, and surprise us all. 

If you’re unsure whether your child’s IEP is truly appropriate—or ambitious enough—a Strategy Session can help you understand your options.