Parents often hear the word “gifted” and assume that school will come easily for their child. But for many families, the reality is far more complicated. Some children are both highly intelligent and living with learning differences such as ADHD, autism, or dyslexia. These students are known as twice-exceptional (2e) learners.
In this episode of Stress-Free IEP, host Frances Shefter, special education attorney and parent advocate, sits down with Dr. Matt Zakreski, clinical psychologist and co-founder of the Neurodivergent Collective, to explore the challenges and strengths of 2e students. Their conversation highlights why these children are often misunderstood in school systems—and what parents can do to support them.
What Does “Twice-Exceptional” Really Mean?
Dr. Zakreski explains that twice-exceptional students are gifted learners who also have a second exceptionality—a learning difference or disability that impacts how they function in school.
Common combinations include:
These students often experience very high highs and very low lows in their academic profile. For example, a child might demonstrate exceptional reasoning ability but struggle with processing speed, organization, or reading fluency.
This uneven profile can make it difficult for schools to recognize their needs.
A student might score extremely high in certain areas of an evaluation, yet the overall composite score appears average because another skill area is significantly lower. When this happens, schools may overlook the child’s gifted potential—or miss the underlying learning difference entirely.
Why Gifted Students Can Still Struggle in School
One of the most surprising realities for parents is that gifted children can struggle academically.
Dr. Zakreski shared his own story. Identified as gifted in elementary school, he wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until high school. Early on, he relied heavily on intelligence to succeed. But as school became more demanding, the executive functioning skills that other students had gradually developed—organization, time management, study habits—became essential.
Without those skills, even a bright student can suddenly hit a wall.
This is common among 2e learners. Their intelligence allows them to compensate for weaknesses for years, which means their challenges may remain hidden until academic demands increase.
When Strengths Mask Learning Differences
Gifted students are often exceptionally good at masking their struggles.
Dr. Zakreski described a phenomenon sometimes called “stealth dyslexia.” A student may not actually know many of the words they are reading, but their strong reasoning abilities allow them to infer meaning from context. As a result, they appear to read well—even though important foundational skills are missing.
These hidden gaps may not become obvious until later grades, when reading complexity increases.
At that point, schools may struggle to provide the appropriate interventions, especially if the student’s grades appear acceptable.
This is one reason why strong grades alone don’t always tell the whole story.
When Grades Don’t Reflect Real Learning
Frances and Dr. Zakreski both emphasized that traditional grading systems often fail to capture what a student actually understands.
A child might receive a lower grade not because they misunderstand the material, but because they struggled with something unrelated to the skill being tested.
For example:
-
A student with dyslexia might understand a math problem but struggle to read the word problem.
-
A student might know the correct answer but be unable to “show their work.”
-
A strong researcher might understand the topic deeply but struggle to express the information in a written essay.
In these cases, the grade reflects multiple skill barriers, not the child’s actual knowledge.
This can be especially frustrating for twice-exceptional students whose brains process information differently.
Asynchronous Development: The “Rule of Five”
Another key concept discussed in the episode is asynchronous development, which is extremely common among neurodivergent learners.
Neurotypical children tend to develop at roughly the same level across several domains: academically, socially, emotionally, and physically.
Neurodivergent children often do not.
Dr. Zakreski described a scenario where a child might be:
-
17 years old intellectually
-
15 years old academically
-
11 years old physically
-
8 years old socially
-
7 years old emotionally
In the field, professionals sometimes refer to this as the “rule of five.”
The challenge is that schools typically expect children to perform at the same level in every area based solely on their grade or age. When expectations don’t align with developmental reality, students are often labeled as defiant, careless, or unmotivated.
In reality, they may simply be developing unevenly.
Why Schools Often Miss the Bigger Picture
Many school systems still operate under policies developed decades ago—long before current research on neurodiversity was widely understood.
As a result, schools frequently emphasize:
-
Standardized grading
-
Rigid academic expectations
-
Uniform teaching approaches
But today’s learners are incredibly diverse. Dr. Zakreski pointed out that the world students are being prepared for has changed dramatically.
Success in modern careers requires problem-solving, adaptability, and creative thinking, not simply memorizing information.
When education focuses too heavily on compliance and standardized outcomes, many gifted and neurodivergent students struggle to thrive.
Teaching Skills Instead of Expecting Them
One of the most important takeaways from this conversation is that skills must be taught, not assumed.
Parents often hear statements like:
“Students at this grade level should know how to do this.”
But developmental skills—especially executive functioning skills—don’t magically appear at a certain age.
Children must learn how to:
-
Break down assignments
-
Organize materials
-
Plan long-term projects
-
Manage time effectively
For neurodivergent students, these skills require explicit instruction and practice.
This is where effective IEPs and accommodations can make a meaningful difference.
Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Children
Dr. Zakreski shared three powerful strategies for parents raising neurodivergent learners.
1. Be Curious, Not Furious
When children make mistakes or struggle, the first instinct may be frustration.
Instead, Dr. Zakreski encourages parents to get curious about what is happening.
Ask questions like:
-
What made this difficult?
-
What got in the way?
-
What support would help next time?
This approach shifts the dynamic from parent versus child to parent and child working together against the problem.
2. Replace “Should” with “Could”
Language matters.
The word “should” often carries shame and judgment.
For example:
“You should have studied harder.”
Replacing it with “could” changes the conversation:
“You could have done better on this test. What got in the way?”
This small shift encourages problem-solving rather than blame.
3. Build a Team of Experts
No parent is expected to navigate the special education system alone.
Dr. Zakreski emphasized the importance of finding knowledgeable professionals who can guide the process, such as:
-
Educational advocates
-
Special education attorneys
-
Psychologists
-
Therapists
-
Specialists in learning differences
These experts can help families understand evaluations, advocate for appropriate supports, and develop strategies that work for their child.
As Dr. Zakreski explained, standing on the shoulders of experts makes the journey easier.
Building Your Child’s Village
At the heart of this episode is a powerful message: parents do not have to do this alone.
Supporting a neurodivergent child often requires collaboration between families, educators, and specialists. When everyone works together, children are far more likely to receive the understanding and support they need.
Twice-exceptional learners bring remarkable strengths, creativity, and insight to the world. With the right guidance and opportunities, they can thrive in ways that traditional systems often overlook.
The goal is not to change who these children are—but to help them build the skills and confidence they need to succeed as themselves.
If you feel you need our help navigating this and other IEP issues, don’t forget to book a Free Case Analysis.
