By: Frances Shefter, Esq.
Advocacy is one of the most important tools a parent can have, especially when navigating the special education system. At its core, advocacy is about speaking up to make sure your child gets the support they need. It is not about being confrontational or difficult. It is about being informed, clear, and consistent. As a lawyer, a former teacher, former special education coordinator and a parent of two children with IEPs, I understand this from all sides—but more importantly, I live it every day.
Even with my background, IEP meetings are still emotional for me. Sitting at that table, hearing your child discussed in terms of services, goals, and challenges—it never feels easy. There are moments of pride, but also moments where your heart sinks. That emotional weight is something many of us parents carry, and it often goes unspoken and not acknowledged.
I remember one IEP meeting very clearly. I found out that my daughter’s teacher had not been fully implementing her IEP for two months. The reason? She was waiting for the sensory room to be finished. During that time, my daughter did not have access to a small, quiet space when she needed it, and she was not being allowed to go to her safe person to complete her work—both supports that were clearly written into her IEP.
I was furious. As a parent, hearing that your child’s needs were essentially put on hold is incredibly hard. By the time I found out, the sensory room had finally been completed—but that didn’t change what had already happened. For two months, my daughter was expected to function without the very supports designed to help her succeed.
What made it even more frustrating was understanding the impact. My daughter’s teacher complained that my daughter had been going from 0 to 60 with no warning, and the teacher did not understand why. Um, maybe read and implement her IEP? Instead, she viewed it as a behavioral issue. I explained to the teacher that my daughter was not being given the opportunity to self-regulate, even when she asked! I explained that the quiet place to decompress and access to her safe person were in the IEP for a reason. My daughter was not just asking to hide or leave the room, she was not asking to avoid work, she was asking for permission to regulate and so she would not explode. Simple solution, read and implement the IEP. After that meeting, there were suddenly no more incidents of 0-60, instead, the teacher implemented the IEP and my daughter was able to self-regulate.
That moment reinforced something I say often: behavior is communication. When a child suddenly escalates, there is always a reason. In this case, the reason was clear—the IEP was not being followed. And when supports are not implemented, we cannot expect the child to meet expectations that depend on those supports.
IEPs are not suggestions. They are not something that can wait until it is convenient. They are legal documents that must be followed every single day. If a specific resource is not ready, the school still has an obligation to provide an alternative. Waiting is not an option when a child’s needs are involved.
For many parents, situations like this can feel overwhelming. You may question whether to speak up, how to approach the conversation, or if you are overreacting. I can tell you—you are not. I remember when I was a teacher, I used to say I am not going to be “that parent”. Well, guess what, I am proudly “that parent” because my daughters need me to be. If something in your child’s plan is not being followed, it matters. And your voice is the first step in making sure it is corrected.
Advocacy is something you grow into. I have experienced that in my own journey. The first step is to ask more direct questions. If you do not understand something on your child’s IEP, ask for the school to explain it. After each question, you become more confident in saying, “I don’t understand this, please explain.” And then, now that you understand your child’s IEP better, you become more confident in saying, “This is not being implemented, and it needs to be addressed.” Those moments are not always easy, especially when emotions are involved, but they are necessary.
At the same time, advocacy takes energy. Between work, family life, and school communication, it can feel like a constant balancing act. I know firsthand how exhausting it can be. But staying organized and consistent makes a difference. Documentation matters. Following up matters. Your persistence matters.
There are also times when additional support is needed. When schools are not following the law or are not responding appropriately, bringing in a special education lawyer can help ensure accountability. This is not about creating conflict—it is about making sure your child receives what they are entitled to.
At the end of the day, advocacy is deeply personal. It is about your child, your family, and your child’s future. The moments that push you to speak up are often the hardest—but they are also the ones that lead to real change.
At Shefter Law, this work is not just professional—it is deeply personal, and it shapes how we train and support our entire team. Every attorney at our firm is guided by the real-life experiences and advocacy approach I bring as both a parent and an attorney. Our team understands that behind every case is a child and a family navigating emotional and often overwhelming situations. We approach each matter with that perspective, combining legal knowledge with empathy and practical strategy. You are not just getting one voice—you are getting a team that has been trained to advocate thoughtfully, effectively, and with a clear understanding of what families are truly facing.
