Your child seems fine at school. Teachers say they are participating, completing assignments, and getting through the day. But when they come home, everything changes.
They might cry, withdraw, become irritable, or feel completely exhausted.
For some children, school anxiety is difficult to recognize because they spend the day trying to hold everything together. By the time they get home, they have nothing left.
So, what can an IEP include to help a child struggling with anxiety at school?
Depending on the child’s individual needs, an IEP may include scheduled breaks, calming spaces, coping skills instruction, staff training, and accommodations that reduce overwhelming demands.
In an episode of Stress-Free IEP, special education attorney Frances Shefter speaks with Bev Johns, an educator and author with more than 40 years of experience, about recognizing hidden anxiety and building IEPs that truly support students.
Their conversation reveals an important lesson: an effective IEP must address what a child actually experiences, not just what adults observe in the classroom.
When Your Child’s Anxiety Doesn’t Show at School
Anxiety does not always look like crying, panic, or obvious distress.
Some students internalize their anxiety. They may appear calm and cooperative while struggling to manage overwhelming feelings.
Bev Johns recalls hearing someone at an IEP meeting say, “Well, he looks okay.”
But looking okay does not mean feeling okay.
Frances explains that some children mask their anxiety throughout the school day, only to fall apart once they reach the safety of home.
This creates a challenge when educators see one version of a child and parents see another.
Parents can help bridge that gap by sharing specific observations, such as:
- Their child cries or isolates after certain school activities.
- Homework or particular classes trigger intense distress.
- Their child seems emotionally exhausted after school.
- Their child increasingly resists attending school.
These observations can help the IEP team understand how school demands affect the child beyond the classroom.
When reviewing the IEP, parents should also consider whether the document accurately describes these difficulties. Understanding reading the present levels of an IEP can help parents identify whether important emotional, behavioral, or functional needs are missing.
What Anxiety Supports Can Be Included in an IEP?
One of the most practical examples from the episode involves a high school student who became overwhelmed during class.
The student had permission to leave briefly, use the restroom to calm herself, and return when ready.
Frances describes a similar accommodation called a flash pass, which allows a student to take a break or visit a designated support person when needed.
But the accommodation only works when the people responsible for implementing it understand how it should be used.
In the student’s case, a hall monitor questioned her while she was using the pass and she received detention. The problem was not the student’s use of the accommodation. The staff member had not been properly trained.
This example highlights why IEPs need specific implementation instructions.
Depending on the student’s needs, supports might include:
- A break pass or access to a trusted adult.
- A designated quiet or calming space.
- Movement or sensory breaks.
- Early intervention when warning signs of distress appear.
- Staff training on recognizing and responding to anxiety.
- Adjustments to screen-based assignments or access to printed materials.
Frances emphasizes that supplementary aids and services should explain how, when, and where supports will be provided.
The goal is not to collect the longest list of accommodations. It is to identify accommodations that match your child’s needs and make sure school personnel understand how to implement them.
If your child’s IEP includes supports that are not helping, or important needs are being overlooked, Shefter Law can help you understand your options. Start with a Free Case Analysis to share your concerns and determine whether the firm may be able to help.
Coping Strategies Must Be Taught, Not Just Listed
An IEP might state that a student will use coping strategies when anxious.
But Frances raises an important question: Who taught the child those strategies?
A student cannot be expected to independently use a skill they have never learned or practiced.
Frances and Bev discuss several possible techniques, including breathing exercises, drawing, writing, listening to music, and taking breaks.
Different strategies work for different children.
Just as importantly, children should practice those strategies when they are calm, rather than being introduced to them for the first time during an emotional crisis.
Parents can ask the IEP team:
- Which coping strategies will my child learn?
- Who will teach and practice these skills with them?
- How will my child know when to use them?
- How will the team measure whether the strategies are helping?
These questions also connect to the importance of writing IEP goals that reflect your child’s needs, rather than including vague statements that are difficult to measure.
When Anxiety Turns Into School Avoidance or Behavior Problems
An anxious child may refuse assignments, withdraw from classmates, avoid school, or become upset when adults continue demanding answers during a moment of distress.
These behaviors should prompt questions, not immediate assumptions about motivation.
Bev shares the experience of a student who had stopped attending school regularly. After looking more closely, educators discovered that his father had died while he was at school. When his mother later became ill, he feared something similar would happen to her if he left home.
Understanding the child’s circumstances changed how the adults could approach his attendance difficulties.
Frances also explains why trying to question or discipline a child while they are emotionally dysregulated can escalate an already difficult situation.
Sometimes the first step is helping the child regulate, followed by a conversation once they are ready.
For parents who are unsure how to address repeated school refusal, anxiety, or behavioral concerns, an IEP and 504 Plan Strategy Session may help them identify questions, options, and next steps.
Accommodations Are Not the Same as Teaching
Another important concern from the episode is the difference between accommodating a disability and teaching a student the skills they need.
A student struggling with reading may receive text read aloud. That accommodation can help them access classroom material, but it does not replace appropriate reading instruction.
Similarly, providing a graphic organizer does not automatically teach a student how to plan and write an essay.
Bev encourages IEP teams to spend more time examining the specially designed instruction a student receives, instead of simply checking accommodation boxes.
Parents should understand the distinction between special education and related services and the accommodations that help students access their education.
An individualized IEP should consider both immediate access to learning and the skills the child needs to develop over time.
Your Child’s IEP Should Tell Their Story
An IEP can contain dozens or even hundreds of pages of data and still fail to communicate who a child is.
Bev describes reviewing lengthy IEPs without understanding the student’s strengths, interests, challenges, or daily experiences.
Frances emphasizes that present levels should paint a meaningful picture of how a student learns and functions, not simply present test scores.
Ideally, a new teacher should be able to read the IEP and understand what the student needs, what warning signs to watch for, and what supports have worked before.
This is especially important when staff members change between school years.
When a child continues to struggle despite having an IEP, parents may want to explore what to do when your child is not making progress rather than assume the existing plan is sufficient.
For families facing a complicated draft IEP, an IEP Document Review Strategy Session can provide a closer look at the documents, identify concerns, and help parents prepare for upcoming school decisions.
The Right IEP Starts With Understanding Your Child
The most important message from Frances and Bev is that no two children experience anxiety or learning challenges in exactly the same way.
One student may benefit from a break pass. Another may need a quiet space, different instructional methods, or support recognizing early signs of distress.
The goal is not simply to help a child make it through another school day. It is to create an educational environment where the child can learn, participate, and develop the skills they need without becoming overwhelmed.
When the IEP team listens to the child, considers the parent’s observations, and individualizes the supports, the document becomes more than paperwork.
It becomes a practical plan for helping that child succeed.
If you are concerned that your child’s IEP does not reflect their anxiety, learning challenges, or need for support, you do not have to navigate those questions alone. You can book a Free Case Analysis with Shefter Law to discuss your situation and learn whether additional guidance may be appropriate.