Parents of neurodivergent children spend a lot of time looking for the right environment.

Sometimes a child who struggles to stay engaged in school can focus for hours on a favorite interest. A child who finds traditional team sports overwhelming may suddenly become an enthusiastic collaborator when building a robot. And a child who resists one after-school activity may never want to leave another.

Those differences matter.

In a recent conversation on StressFree IEP, special education attorney and parent Frances Shefter spoke with Rebecca, owner and director of iCode Greater Crofton/Gambrills, about technology, creativity, social connection, and finding spaces where children can develop their strengths.

Their discussion offered an important reminder for parents: success is not always about getting a child to fit an environment. Sometimes it is about finding an environment that fits the child.

Screen Time Is Not All the Same

Many parents understandably worry about how much time their children spend on screens. Between school devices, video games, phones, tablets, and entertainment, it can feel as though children are constantly connected to technology.

But the conversation around screen time becomes more useful when parents look beyond the number of minutes and ask a different question:

What is my child actually doing on the screen?

Rebecca described the difference as helping children become “creators versus consumers.”

A child passively scrolling or purchasing upgrades inside a game is having a very different experience from a child learning how to code a game, design a 3D object, program a robot, or collaborate with other children on a technical problem.

Technology can become a tool for:

• Problem solving
• Creativity
• Communication
• Collaboration
• Persistence
• Logical thinking
• Experimentation
• Building confidence through successful projects

Computer skills are also increasingly relevant far beyond traditional technology careers.

Rebecca compared them to learning to type. Years ago, typing might have seemed like a specialized office skill. Today, nearly every profession requires some level of digital fluency.

The same may be true for many of the technology skills children are learning now.

The Goal Is Not Just Coding. It Is Finding Their People.

One of the most important themes of the conversation had very little to do with computers.

It was belonging.

Rebecca explained that one reason she wanted an in-person program was to give children an opportunity to be around other kids with similar interests.

Frances immediately connected that idea to something she frequently discusses with families of neurodivergent children:

“They need to find their tribe. They need to find their people.”

For some children, that sense of belonging happens naturally through traditional activities such as sports.

For others, it does not.

A child who has little interest in soccer, basketball, or other common group activities may light up around robotics, Minecraft, engineering, game development, graphic design, or 3D printing.

Those activities can still provide opportunities to practice working with other people.

Children can exchange ideas, troubleshoot together, explain what they built, divide responsibilities, and solve problems as a group.

That matters because teamwork does not have to look the same for every child.

A robotics team can teach collaboration.

Building a website together can teach collaboration.

Designing a game together can teach collaboration.

The objective is not to force every child into the same social environment. It is to help children develop those skills in spaces where they are more likely to feel comfortable enough to participate.

Why Can a Child Thrive in One Place and Struggle in Another?

Rebecca shared a question from a parent that will sound familiar to many families:

Why was her bright child, who had autism and ADHD, doing well at iCode but struggling in school?

There is no single answer to a question like that, and an extracurricular program cannot be directly compared with a child’s school environment. But the question itself is important.

Rebecca pointed to several differences in her program.

The groups are small. Instructors can provide additional attention. Seating can be adjusted easily. Children are participating in something that interests them. There are no grades or homework assignments. And instructors can help children manage transitions, including using countdowns before an activity ends.

Most importantly, she said, the children generally want to be there.

Interest does not eliminate a disability, and a child’s ability to succeed in a preferred activity does not mean that difficulties in school are not real.

What it can do is give parents useful information.

If a child can focus, collaborate, solve problems, or regulate more successfully in one environment than another, parents can ask:

• What is different about this environment?
• Is the group smaller?
• Is the instruction more hands-on?
• Does my child understand what is expected?
• Are transitions handled differently?
• Is there more flexibility in seating or movement?
• Is the subject connected to a strong interest?
• Does my child feel more accepted here?
• Is the child receiving more immediate support when frustrated?

Those observations can help parents better understand the conditions under which their child learns and participates successfully.

Hands-On Learning Can Reveal Strengths

Another important feature of the program Rebecca described is that students are not simply told exactly what to build.

They are taught foundational skills and then given room to experiment.

In robotics, for example, children may learn how to connect the essential components needed to create a functioning robot. After that, they make decisions about what their robot will actually do.

Rebecca recalled students building competition robots and independently developing features—including a mechanism designed to keep another robot from tipping theirs over.

The instructors had not handed them the idea.

The students identified the problem and created their own solution.

That type of learning provides something that highly structured instruction sometimes cannot: the opportunity for a child to discover, “I figured this out.”

For children who receive frequent correction during the school day, opportunities to experience themselves as capable problem-solvers can be particularly meaningful.

The Right Activity Should Be the Right Fit

Frances also raised a challenge familiar to many parents of neurodivergent children: extracurricular programs are not always prepared to accommodate differences.

A family can be excited about an activity, only to discover shortly afterward that the program is too rigid, overstimulating, or unable to support the child successfully.

That is why parents should look beyond the activity advertised on the brochure.

Before committing to a program, consider asking:

• How large are the groups?
• How many instructors are present?
• How structured is the activity?
• Can children take breaks?
• How are transitions handled?
• What happens when a child becomes overwhelmed?
• Can seating or workspace be adjusted?
• Is the program primarily lecture-based or hands-on?
• How does the staff approach children who work or communicate differently?
• Can the child try the program before the family makes a major commitment?

Rebecca said her location encourages families to try a first class before enrolling because she wants both the parent and child to determine whether the environment is a good fit.

That approach recognizes something parents already know: even a wonderful program will not be right for every child.

Pay Attention to Where Your Child Comes Alive

Parents are often focused—necessarily—on the places where their children struggle.

But there is valuable information in the places where children thrive, too.

Notice the activity they talk about all week.

Notice the subject that makes them explain something to you in extraordinary detail.

Notice where they make friends more easily.

Notice where they willingly attempt difficult problems.

Notice where they are disappointed when it is time to leave.

Those moments reveal interests and strengths that can become building blocks for confidence, friendships, learning, and eventually even career exploration.

A child’s path does not have to look like everyone else’s.

The goal is not to produce a programmer, engineer, athlete, or artist. It is to give children opportunities to discover what engages them, develop useful skills, and find communities where they feel that they belong.

Sometimes the most powerful thing a parent can help a child find is simply a place where that child wants to keep showing up.

 

Reach Rebecca here: https://icodeschool.com/gambrills-md/

More content like this: https://shefterlaw.com/learning-center/