By: Frances Shefter, Esq.
Wow. What a week.
If you are a parent of a neurodivergent child, you already know this reality far too well: schools can be incredibly frustrating. The fight is real, the fight is exhausting, and too often, families are left asking the same painful questions.
When did schools stop being about children and education?
When did schools stop being a safe place?
Bullying Is Real — and It’s Often Dismissed
Bullying and teasing happen far more often than schools want to admit. And disproportionately, it happens to neurodivergent children — children with disabilities, differences in communication, behavior, learning styles, or social interaction.
Because they are different, they are targeted.
Yet, when families raise concerns, they often hear the same dismissive responses:
- “It’s just teasing.”
- “Your child should ignore it.”
- “They should walk away.”
- “Let’s have mediation between the students.”
But here’s the question no one seems to answer:
Why is the burden placed on the victim?
Why must the child who is being bullied change their behavior, manage their emotions, or sit face-to-face with the person harming them — while the bully faces little to no consequence?
Why aren’t schools requiring meaningful interventions for the bully? Education on acceptance? Behavioral supports? Discipline that actually sends a message that bullying is unacceptable?
When Schools Say They Take Bullying Seriously — But Don’t
School districts often insist they “take bullying seriously.” Families are told to complete forms, submit reports, and follow procedures.
But in reality?
- Forms disappear.
- Investigations stall.
- Nothing changes.
Meanwhile, the bullying continues.
And when a neurodivergent child finally reaches their breaking point — when they stand up for themselves after repeated harassment — they are the ones who get punished.
This sends a devastating message:
- It is acceptable for you to be treated poorly.
- Do not defend yourself.
- If you do, you will face consequences.
Bullying and FAPE: What the Law Actually Says
Here’s what schools often fail to acknowledge:
There is a legal requirement called a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE).
A school environment where a child does not feel safe — emotionally or physically — is not appropriate.
Federal law and case law are clear: bullying can deny a child FAPE, especially when the child has an Individualized Education Program (IEP).
If a child with an IEP is being bullied, the school must convene the IEP team to review how the bullying is impacting the child’s ability to access their education.
What Should an IEP Team Do When Bullying Occurs?
An appropriate response may include:
- Counseling or mental health services to help the child process what is happening
- Explicit instruction on the difference between teasing and bullying
- Development of safe, realistic strategies for responding to bullying
- Changes in placement or environment if the current setting is unsafe
- Additional supports and protections written directly into the IEP
What is not appropriate is ignoring the problem, minimizing it, or blaming the child who is being harmed.
You Are Not Powerless — and You Are Not Alone
If your child is being bullied, you do have options. Schools can — and should — be held accountable.
At Shefter Law, we understand this on both a professional and personal level. We help families push schools to take bullying seriously, enforce their legal obligations, and provide what the law requires: a safe learning environment where children can truly access FAPE.
Your child deserves more than survival mode at school.
- They deserve safety.
- They deserve dignity.
- And they deserve an education that meets their needs.
If this sounds like your family’s experience, we are here to help.
