The Power of Early Intervention and Trusting Your Gut: A Conversation with Gabriele Nicolet
In this insightful episode of Stress-Free IEP, host Frances Shefter sits down with Gabriele Nicolet, a speech-language pathologist, parenting coach, and fellow podcast host, to dive deep into early intervention, parenting neurodivergent children, and the everyday decisions that make a big difference.
Why “Wait and See” Is Bad Advice
From the very beginning, Gabriele challenges the all-too-common school response of “let’s wait and see.” She explains that the first three to five years of life are a critical window for brain development. Waiting during that window can mean missing a vital opportunity to support a child’s neurological and behavioral growth. As she puts it, “The way you make behavioral change is to make neurological change. And the earlier we do that, the better.”
Frances shares her own frustrations with schools using “wait and see” as a blanket excuse, emphasizing that delaying support only leads to greater challenges later. Unlearning a habit is far harder than learning it right the first time, especially for young brains.
Watch and See, Not Wait and See
Gabriele draws an important distinction: watching and seeing is not the same as waiting and doing nothing. Instead, “watch and see” involves making subtle changes in the environment—such as adding reading support or increasing physical activity—and observing how a child responds. It’s proactive without being overbearing.
Frances agrees, especially when it comes to initial evaluations. You can’t know whether your child is on track without assessing where they are. And yes, she confirms, even a six-month-old can be evaluated in meaningful ways.
School Services vs. Private Therapy
When a child is older and hasn’t received early intervention, things get trickier. Frances shares a story of a speech therapist claiming that a 10-year-old’s articulation couldn’t be improved. Gabriele acknowledges that while older kids may be less responsive to certain therapies—especially without their buy-in—it’s still possible to make progress, especially when kids are motivated and supported.
This segues into a conversation about the challenge of fitting therapy into a child’s life—between school, meals, recess, and extracurriculars—and the importance of letting kids still be kids. Gabriele stresses that no one should ever wake a sleeping child for therapy. Sometimes, rest and play are more important than intervention.
Prioritizing and Letting Go of the Guilt
For parents juggling multiple demands, Gabriele writes what she calls “fake permission slips.” These are affirmations to help parents feel confident saying, “It’s okay to pause speech therapy right now” or “We’re focusing on emotional regulation for the time being.” Frances echoes this sentiment with her own story of prioritizing mental health and family relationships over homework or speech goals at various points in her parenting journey.
And if homework is taking an hour and a half for a task meant to take 20 minutes? Stop. Talk to the teacher. No child learns effectively under stress, and Gabriele reminds us that when a brain is in survival mode, no learning happens.
Sibling Dynamics and the “And” Trick
As the conversation winds down, Gabriele offers insight into a common challenge: balancing attention between siblings, especially when one child’s needs dominate. She encourages parents to reject the guilt-inducing narrative that the neurotypical sibling is having a “lesser” childhood. Every child’s experience is unique, and many second or third children naturally have different upbringings, regardless of neurodiversity.
One small but powerful tip Gabriele shares? Use “and” instead of “but.” For example:
“I know you want to help your sister, and let’s let her try it on her own.”
It’s a subtle language shift that validates both the intent and the boundary, reducing defensiveness and supporting connection.
Repairing, Not Just Parenting
Throughout the episode, the theme of emotional regulation—both for children and parents—keeps coming up. Gabriele and Frances agree: you won’t always stay calm. You’re human. What matters most is what happens after a meltdown or mistake. Gabriele calls this process “repair,” not just apology. It’s about reconnecting, owning your emotions, and helping your child process theirs.
And when the road feels hard? Remember: you’re not alone. Neurodivergent kids may push your buttons and stretch your limits—but they also force us to become more aware, more patient, and more in tune with our own emotional growth.
Final Thoughts
This episode is a heartfelt reminder that parenting neurodivergent children isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about doing what’s right for your family in this moment. As Gabriele puts it, even if you only get it “right” 30% of the time, you’re doing just fine.
So take a deep breath, trust your gut, and remember: it’s okay to ask for help, set limits, or say no. Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.
Know Gabriele here: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/
Do you need our help? Don’t hesitate to reach out: https://shefterlaw.com/
