Spotting ADHD in Girls Early: A Conversation with Cynthia Hammer
On this week’s episode of Stress-Free IEP, host Frances Shefter sat down with Cynthia Hammer, MSW, founder of Find the ADHD Girls. Cynthia was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at age 49 and has since dedicated her life to helping parents, educators, and clinicians recognize ADHD in girls earlier—ideally before the age of eight.
A Personal Journey to Advocacy
Cynthia shared that her diagnosis came late in life, but it reshaped how she understood her past and her struggles. That clarity is what she now works to bring to other families, particularly for young girls who often fly under the radar.
She noted that even professionals can miss ADHD. One pediatrician she knew practiced for 25 years without recognizing her own ADHD until later in life. For many people, functioning “well enough” keeps them from seeking answers—until something clicks and they realize life doesn’t have to be such a struggle.
Why Girls Are Often Missed
ADHD in girls doesn’t always look like the “classic” bouncing-off-the-walls hyperactivity that people expect. Instead, Cynthia explained, it often shows up as:
Daydreaming or zoning out during conversations
Misplacing things or struggling to stay organized
Trouble completing tasks, even simple ones
Emotional sensitivity, especially to criticism
Sensory challenges, like discomfort with clothing or certain foods
Because girls are socially motivated, many begin masking their struggles as early as age three. They learn to act in ways that make them more acceptable to peers and teachers, which makes their ADHD harder to detect.
The Importance of Early Identification
Both Frances and Cynthia agreed that the phrase “wait and see” is harmful. ADHD doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it’s there from birth. By the time a child is seven, there’s usually enough evidence to make a diagnosis.
Cynthia emphasized that early diagnosis doesn’t just improve academics—it can prevent years of anxiety. Many girls labeled as “anxious” actually have undiagnosed ADHD. Once treated, their anxiety often lessens dramatically.
Tools for Parents and Teachers
To make early recognition easier, Find the ADHD Girls developed a checklist specifically for 7-year-old girls. It highlights common but overlooked signs of inattentive ADHD. Parents can use the checklist, then partner with teachers to watch for patterns at school.
Cynthia also recommends building structure and routines at home. Simple strategies like posted charts, predictable schedules, and calm environments help children succeed regardless of diagnosis. For parents, she encourages focusing on one small change at a time—whether that’s creating a bedtime routine or posting a morning checklist—so progress feels manageable.
Building Better Supports in Schools
A common barrier Frances sees in her legal work is schools dismissing concerns because a child is “doing fine academically.” Cynthia warns that masking in the classroom comes at a cost: many girls give their all to appear perfect at school and then collapse emotionally at home.
Even if grades are good, Cynthia stressed, schools should consider accommodations. With small supports in place, many girls could not only manage but actually thrive at their true potential.
Free Resources for Families
Cynthia’s nonprofit offers a repository of free resources—professionally designed handouts, articles, and infographics—that anyone can download and share. Parents, teachers, and therapists can even rebrand them to use in their own practice.
She hopes these tools will change the current reality: three boys are diagnosed for every one girl, even though research shows the numbers are much closer to equal.
Looking Ahead
As part of ADHD Awareness Month in October, Cynthia is releasing a collection of essays from 21 women describing their experiences with undiagnosed ADHD. She hopes that in 25 years, stories like theirs will feel like history—because every girl will have been identified and supported early.
For Cynthia, the goal is simple: help girls build strong foundations before middle school, so they don’t spend years feeling “too much” or “not enough.”
And as Frances reminded listeners: early recognition and small, consistent steps at home can make all the difference. You’re not alone on this journey.
Living with Inattentive ADHD – Cynthia Hammer on Early Diagnosis and Support
Spotting ADHD in Girls Early: A Conversation with Cynthia Hammer
On this week’s episode of Stress-Free IEP, host Frances Shefter sat down with Cynthia Hammer, MSW, founder of Find the ADHD Girls. Cynthia was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at age 49 and has since dedicated her life to helping parents, educators, and clinicians recognize ADHD in girls earlier—ideally before the age of eight.
A Personal Journey to Advocacy
Cynthia shared that her diagnosis came late in life, but it reshaped how she understood her past and her struggles. That clarity is what she now works to bring to other families, particularly for young girls who often fly under the radar.
She noted that even professionals can miss ADHD. One pediatrician she knew practiced for 25 years without recognizing her own ADHD until later in life. For many people, functioning “well enough” keeps them from seeking answers—until something clicks and they realize life doesn’t have to be such a struggle.
Why Girls Are Often Missed
ADHD in girls doesn’t always look like the “classic” bouncing-off-the-walls hyperactivity that people expect. Instead, Cynthia explained, it often shows up as:
Because girls are socially motivated, many begin masking their struggles as early as age three. They learn to act in ways that make them more acceptable to peers and teachers, which makes their ADHD harder to detect.
The Importance of Early Identification
Both Frances and Cynthia agreed that the phrase “wait and see” is harmful. ADHD doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it’s there from birth. By the time a child is seven, there’s usually enough evidence to make a diagnosis.
Cynthia emphasized that early diagnosis doesn’t just improve academics—it can prevent years of anxiety. Many girls labeled as “anxious” actually have undiagnosed ADHD. Once treated, their anxiety often lessens dramatically.
Tools for Parents and Teachers
To make early recognition easier, Find the ADHD Girls developed a checklist specifically for 7-year-old girls. It highlights common but overlooked signs of inattentive ADHD. Parents can use the checklist, then partner with teachers to watch for patterns at school.
Cynthia also recommends building structure and routines at home. Simple strategies like posted charts, predictable schedules, and calm environments help children succeed regardless of diagnosis. For parents, she encourages focusing on one small change at a time—whether that’s creating a bedtime routine or posting a morning checklist—so progress feels manageable.
Building Better Supports in Schools
A common barrier Frances sees in her legal work is schools dismissing concerns because a child is “doing fine academically.” Cynthia warns that masking in the classroom comes at a cost: many girls give their all to appear perfect at school and then collapse emotionally at home.
Even if grades are good, Cynthia stressed, schools should consider accommodations. With small supports in place, many girls could not only manage but actually thrive at their true potential.
Free Resources for Families
Cynthia’s nonprofit offers a repository of free resources—professionally designed handouts, articles, and infographics—that anyone can download and share. Parents, teachers, and therapists can even rebrand them to use in their own practice.
She hopes these tools will change the current reality: three boys are diagnosed for every one girl, even though research shows the numbers are much closer to equal.
Looking Ahead
As part of ADHD Awareness Month in October, Cynthia is releasing a collection of essays from 21 women describing their experiences with undiagnosed ADHD. She hopes that in 25 years, stories like theirs will feel like history—because every girl will have been identified and supported early.
For Cynthia, the goal is simple: help girls build strong foundations before middle school, so they don’t spend years feeling “too much” or “not enough.”
Learn More
Check Cynthia’s website here: http://www.findtheadhdgirls.org/ and https://www.iadhd.org/
And as Frances reminded listeners: early recognition and small, consistent steps at home can make all the difference. You’re not alone on this journey.
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