Do Some Kids with ADHD Lie as a Form of Self-Preservation?

October 24, 2024 Frances 0 Comments

By Lateefah S. Williams, Esq.

There is a new—well, newish—theory that some children, along with a few adults, with
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) may lie as “a self-preservation strategy
rooted in poor inhibition, emotional regulation, working memory, and attention—all
hallmarks of ADHD,” according to ADDitude Magazine.

By now, most people have heard of the fight, flight or freeze response to danger. It used
to just be fight or flight, but freeze was added later, which is a good thing because it is
not uncommon, especially for people with inattentive ADHD, to freeze.

Well now, some psychologists who work with ADHD children are adding “Fib” as the
fourth “F,” when the child perceives danger. So, they refer to it as Fight, Flight, Freeze,
or Fib.
According to ADDitude Magazine, telling a fib protects the fibber from danger in the
following ways:

  1. Protection (temporary) from the feeling of having disappointed someone, such
    as a parent, teacher, coach, or mentor. Fibbing often follows poor academic
    outcomes, incomplete assignments or projects, and missed appointments or
    classes.
  2. Deflection (temporary) of parental/ significant other anger and the anticipated
    consequence.
  3. Extension: This may be caused by a desire to “buy some time” in the
    momentary absence of information, or information that is not acceptable to the
    person that is perceived as a threat. This provides the maker with an extension of
    available processing or thinking time. The consequence of the fib is not planned
    for.
  4. Self-preservation: Preserving self-esteem and self-efficacy; perceived reduced
    self-esteem of a “failure” due to an ADHD-related behavior that ended in a
    negative consequence, leading to shame and embarrassment.”

I agree that lying or fibbing may keep someone out of immediate danger, but, long term,
it tends to add to the doomed feeling. I guess that’s why this phenomenon is mostly
seen in children, as their brains have not fully developed yet. The article notes that the
feelings of Protection and Deflection are temporary. That said, it is human nature to
delay negative consequences. With Extension, the goal seems to be to “buy some
time,” but there is no guarantee that you will come up with a better solution during that
time. So, Deflection is likely temporary, as well. Finally, there is Self-Preservation, which
saves the fibber from lower self-esteem, embarrassment, and feeling like a failure. This
is the only one that is not temporary on its face, although it can be temporary, as
avoiding these feelings will only last until the next fib. So, if it’s for self-preservation, it
can be a never-ending cycle. The never-ending cycle aspect is likely why some
psychologists have added “Fib” as the fourth “F” in the fight, flight or freeze response to
danger for children with ADHD.

Key Aspects Behind Fibbing

Understanding how fibbing fits into ADHD involves looking at four key aspects of
executive function, as adapted from the work of Russell Barkley, Ph.D. These four key
aspects are: Weak Inhibition, Poor Emotional Regulation, Faulty Working Memory,
and Inconsistent Attention Regulation. These traits can make fibbing seem like the
practical option because those with ADHD often struggle to stop themselves from
blurting out something that may not be true, especially under pressure. Others may fib
because they are overwhelmed by stress and fear. Yet still, some do not think of future
consequences and others may struggle to stay on task, so fibbing seems to be the only
escape.

Strategies to Address Fibbing Effectively

If fibbing stems from stress and a need for self-preservation, punishment or harsh
judgment may not be the best approach. Instead, caregivers, educators, and healthcare
professionals can consider using strategies like these to change the behavior:
Encourage Self-Awareness through Socratic questioning, Provide Space and Time
to prevent feeling overwhelmed, Introduce Accountability to help the child stay
focused, and Create a Safe Environment where the child feels free from judgment.

Moving Forward with Compassion

The human brain is incredibly complex and adaptable, developing ways over time to
protect us from perceived threats. For people with ADHD, fibbing might become an
automatic response, even though it’s not always the healthiest or most effective choice.
When we see fibbing as a neurological reaction rather than a character flaw, we can
provide more meaningful support. By understanding the fear or stress driving the fib,
caregivers and educators can focus on boosting self-esteem and encouraging healthier
ways to cope. The ultimate goal is to help individuals build self-awareness, resilience,
and the confidence to manage stress without resorting to dishonesty.
Recognizing the "fib" response can lead to better outcomes for everyone, both in the
short term and as a steppingstone toward lifelong personal growth.

To learn more, click on the following links:
https://www.additudemag.com/why-lie-adhd-fight-flight-freeze/
https://www.additudemag.com/children-adhd-impulsivity-control-lying/
https://www.cetc.org.au/lying-as-a-trauma-based-behaviour/

leave a comment

110 N Washington St., Suite 350, Rockville, MD 20850 info@shefterlaw.com (301) 605-7303
Facebook
YouTube
Instagram