In this episode of Stress-Free IEP®, Frances Shefter speaks with Hanna Forrest, ADHD Specialist and Parent Trainer. With over a decade of experience, Hanna has transformed the lives of parents and their children, helping them to live calmer, more structured lives through her innovative programming.
Hanna discusses how important it is for parents and caregivers to understand the developmental delays that often come with ADHD. She explores the availability of parent training courses specifically tailored to children with ADHD, and the stigma around this type of training.
Hanna shares her personal experience as an ADHD coach with eight years of experience, having ADHD themselves and being a parent to a child with ADHD. She explains the benefits of hiring a coach with ADHD, as they understand the struggles and can relate to the children on a different level.
Gain a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by individuals with ADHD, the importance of tailored parenting strategies, and the opportunities for coaching services that can make a significant difference in the lives of children and their caregivers.
Frances Shefter is an Education Attorney and Advocate who is committed to helping her clients have a Stress-Free IEP® experience. In each podcast, Frances interviews inspiring people to share information, educate you, empower you and help you get the knowledge you need.
FRANCES ( 00:00:38): Hello, everyone. Thank you for listening and watching and welcome to the show. Today’s special guest, Hanna Forrest is an ADHD specialist and a parent trainer. So Hanna, please tell us a little bit about yourself. Introduce yourself.
HANNA ( 00:00:54): Hello. Hello. Hello, everybody. I’m so happy that I’m here. Thank you for having me. This is such an important topic here. ADHD, right? And IEPs and, and everything. I have been an ADHD coach now for about eight or so years. I have ADHD, the combined type. So I’ve got double the fun when it comes to ADHD and I’m a parent to a child with ADHD and I just, I am everything ADHD. So I’m super familiar with all of the struggles that come along with it. But also, you know, there are numerous strengths that do come along with it too that we don’t talk enough about. I grew up in Tokyo, Japan where, and it was in the seventies, I’m gonna age myself. But, you know, it’s not a culture that, you know, really, sort of celebrates the effervescent type of person, which is what I was super lively with the age part of the ADHD. But, you know, growing up there, it just, there were so many struggles that do come along with ADHD. So I decided to devote my life and career to helping children primarily, but by default then helping, of course, the parents too. and how to parent children with ADHD because there are specific ways. So that’s just a little snippet.
FRANCES ( 00:02:29): It’s interesting that you say that in Japan because here in the States I’ll date myself too in the seventies and eighties. It ADHD wasn’t even recognized as a school issue. I know. And I remember they would say that’s a medical issue. It’s a medical diagnosis that couldn’t get the kids support. And that was even after Special Ed became a little bit more expected, you know, acceptable because originally it was like, you don’t want your kids special ed. No, you’re not special ed. No. And then it became more accepting but ADHD was a medical thing. Like, nope, nope, it’s not educational. And we get to that a lot and then I’m curious, CADDC, what does that stand for?
HANNA ( 00:03:10): Certified ADHD Coach? There we go. Thank you. Now, you know, it is ADHD and they’ve kind of knocked off, you know, or excuse me, they, it’s only ADHD that it’s referred to now. So, it’s either the inattentive type or the hyperactive type and then there’s the combined type as well. So, but that’s what that stands for, right.
FRANCES ( 00:03:31): Which, you know, it makes me crazy that they do that because inattentive type is not hyperactive type. Why that, you know, I
HANNA ( 00:03:38): just leave the H in there and, you know, I don’t know,
FRANCES ( 00:03:41): they just get rid of the A’s,
HANNA ( 00:03:43): right. Yeah, I’m disappointed that Doctor Russell Barkley has retired because, you know, he’s the king of all research related ADHD information. But yeah, just so that he can help continue to clarify, but that’s ok. There are folks like us out there trying to sort of, you know, walk in his very big footsteps. So. Right.
FRANCES ( 00:04:08): And it’s a challenge I find often with schools because like, I know when I was a teacher back, way back when, and, you know, the teacher training ADHD you think of the hyperactivity and a lot of times, especially our girls that present very differently, they’re overlooked because they’re out in, you know, they’re in the back, they’re quiet, they’re not causing issues. They’re daydreaming is what everybody thinks and they say, like daydreaming and it’s like they can’t quit daydreaming. That’s the ADHD, right.
HANNA ( 00:04:43): Yeah, it’s, it’s really tricky but it’s also, you know, heartwarming to know that this is evolving and changing and the education on ADHD is constantly changing. And that it’s more prevalent there, you know, more information is out there. So I think the awareness is growing, which is terrific. But to your speaking about schools in particular, it’s really tricky to expect teachers. They don’t tend to have a very great understanding of ADHD in particular, right? It’s not their fault. They don’t get a whole lot of training on it. And there are so many specific ways in which we learn, whether it’s the girl in the back of the class, you know, that has an attentive type or the hyperactive boy. I mean, I was both. But, you know, there’s just, there’s a lot more that is evolving in the education of it and I’m hoping that that spills sort of over to schools and teachers that really need that assistance. You know,
FRANCES ( 00:05:56): and I don’t blame the teachers at all. Like I’ve been there. I know, you know, like they can’t, and, and the reason the hyperactive type gets noticed more is because it’s interrupting the class. And so as much as we try to focus on everybody when one is taking away, they get noticed and, and get looked into
HANNA ( 00:06:18): the squeaky wheel. Right.
FRANCES ( 00:06:20): Exactly. And that’s why, you know, it’s funny that you say that I was, talking to another parent this morning about when I was a teacher that I used to say, I don’t want to be that parent and now that I’m a mother, I am happy to be that parent because we have to, you know, yeah. And that’s why, you know, a lot of what I do, I do what I do because I want to help other families and parents learn how to advocate for their children.
HANNA ( 00:06:45): Right. And that’s the, that is such a valuable tool. I mean, you know, parents, when their child gets diagnosed, they basically have one option that their pediatrician, generally speaking offers, which is medication. There isn’t a sort of, oh, and there’s this and there’s this and there’s this, which is unfortunate, but of course, you know, we can keep trying to change that too. But so what you do is so incredibly important, you know, being sort of the hub of , being that support for parents is so critical, they, they just kind of get this diagnosis and they’re just swimming out there and, you know, information land and they don’t know what to take. So kudos to you for what you do, what you do. It’s a point.
FRANCES ( 00:07:32): Yeah. And I mean, that’s, that’s why my youtube channel and this show developed was because talking to more families. , and, you know, I’ve talked to a lot of families that come to me and I’m like, you know what? Yes, I could help you get a really good IEP. But honestly, I think the money is better spent this way supporting your child because I’m very child focused. Right? That’s why I, yeah, I was so excited to have you on because you do the parent training. Right. Right. And that is so needed because the teachers do what they can with the IEP. But if the parents aren’t reinforcing stuff at home, right. Or don’t know what to be asking for. Right. So how does that work? Like the parent training? Like what do you do? Do you have classes? Is it?
HANNA ( 00:08:17): So, you know, there are a number of different parent training courses out there that you can take in companies, you know, that specifically train parents and it is really important for parents to first and foremost, understand that there is a particular way to parent a child that has ADHD there is and they should learn it so that they don’t go crazy because right now they’re probably going crazy. Right? And so, although my goal is, my end goal is to help children and their self confidence because when that goes awry, which it does for all of us with ADHD, it’s really hard to repair, right? For lack of a better term. So coaching the parents and teaching them how to parent a child with ADHD is critical, first and foremost, it’s called behavior parent behavior training essentially. Now it runs the gamut, right? So the way that I coach parents is basically from the eight primary, there are more but executive function areas that we struggle with stemming from our prefrontal cortex, which is all fuzzy up here. This is where the doing of things is housed in our brains and this is where the knowing of things is, is housed and our knowing of things is fine. It has nothing to do with intelligence and you know that word is getting out. But there are ways, let me give you a simple example of something that happens every day, all the time with parents. They are asking their son, Johnny who has ADHD to OK, Johnny go upstairs and get your pj’s on brush your teeth and don’t forget to whatever it is Johnny, then goes upstairs and he sees a little fuzz on the stair and he picks at it and he looks at it and so far he’s heard what his parents have asked him to do, but he has just lost two out of the three things. Right. It’s just gone from his working memory. And so by the time he gets up to the top of the stairs, he probably can pick out all the teeth, maybe I need to brush my teeth, right? And then the other things sort of get forgotten. And what unfortunately if the parent isn’t fully aware of the working memory, being able to hold information and then executing a task, if they aren’t aware that that’s an executive function that their child is struggling with. They may see that lack of following direction as being disrespectful. And then so the parent goes straight to being angry. So first of all, my greatest joy is being able to lift the parent’s stress level, right? I’m bringing down their blood pressure and raising their child’s self esteem is really what my goal is so that they don’t have to get angry at the fact that their child didn’t do the X Y and the Z, basically, all you need are strategies. So in that case, you know, you can have something that’s written down on the wall in different colors that the child can check off and haven’t done. So it’s very simple things. But without knowing that and learning that the poor parents are in this constant state of stress and anger and frustration. And when the child, you know, receives all of that stress and anger and frustration, it wreaks immense havoc on their self worth because they are saying to themselves, why can’t I just blah, blah, blah. When my sister Sally doesn’t have a problem with it, what’s wrong with me as a person? And that’s what the child thinks and it has nothing to do with their intelligence or their person. You know, it’s just the front of their brains and even having the parents really grasp the fact that their children, this is a developmental disorder and that they are three years up to three years behind in that. Right? So when it comes to self control, you know, task initiation, doing a chore and their child is still sitting there and you’ve asked them to do it over and over again to understand that they are three up to three years behind and their development will give the parent more sort of sense of calm, of not getting so frustrated that their child isn’t doing blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. So that was a long roundabout way of explaining that essentially parent training is there to relieve the stress. At least that’s my goal to relieve the stress for parents. and to also raise the self worth of their child because I parent both, I think coach, both parents and the child.
FRANCES ( 00:13:00): Right. And that’s, I mean, of course, the show is called Stress-Free IEP®. That’s what I’m all about because I’m not being a parent myself, you know, like, it’s hard and, and like, most recently I’ve been working on, not losing my temper as much, which is a challenge. It’s so hard. But I started realizing, like, when I elevate my child elevates and it gets into this thing and none of what we want to get done gets done, right. We like now if I just keep myself down, so she gets elevated and frustrated and yelling at me. And it’s like I do understand that you’re upset right now, but we need to do this and then we can talk about that. Yeah, or whatever. Go hard.
HANNA ( 00:13:45): It’s so hard. So my middle child has ADHD and you know, because she’s a teen now too. that explosive anger and frustration can be not, can be, it is so incredibly difficult for parents to remain calm throughout all of that. But again, you know, one of the things that I really bring home to parents is that when the child is in that state of, you know, emotional, just complete meltdown. There is literally nothing that you can do to stop it at that moment, right? Because the blood has literally left the prefrontal cortex and they are in fight and fight. So another thing that, you know, I coach parents on is to keep in mind like I just, I keep bringing back those executive functions so that when they’re in that they can then just sort of take a deep breath and understand that there’s nothing that they can do to change that child’s temperament at that moment. Right? And like you said to, then thereafter talking about it is super important but even, you know what to say to the child. And there are so many components to ADHD and understanding, you know, how to best parent them. It’s just, I, you know, it can’t be taught enough, right? And get it out there enough, you know.
FRANCES ( 00:15:17): No. And it is so important because I hate the word disability, I hate and stuff like that. It’s just like I’m now like looking at how yes, we need IEPs obviously we need, you know, all of that. But a lot of times kids then feel different and that something’s wrong with them, right. You know, and growing up myself, you know, my story, I couldn’t spell, I thought I was stupid because I couldn’t spell. My brain just didn’t work that way. You know, I was on law review. Obviously I could write spelling. Wasn’t that important, you know, like, right. And, and that’s the thing and it’s like, so I know as a parent myself when my kids come home and they’re not doing well in their spelling and I’m like, daddy didn’t spell well and Mommy didn’t spell well. You don’t really have much of a chance there. Right. We’ll try, we’ll study. Right. You
HANNA ( 00:16:08): know, and what you do, what you are saying to yourself by doing that is you are letting some of the smaller things go. And I think that’s where we get tripped up as parents myself, included. I mean, I’m constantly having to remind myself about all of these things, right? Even though I know them when you’re the parent and you’re in it, it’s so much harder to sort of talk yourself down from the ledge, which is why a parent coach is so important to, you know, reinforce with that parent, what they’re doing that’s effective and what they can change. But the letting go of some of the smaller things is so critically important in saving your sanity as a parent. It really is. You know, when my 16 year old is having a meltdown, sort of spouting back, I, I really am focused on what to let go of and what not to let go of what’s really important and being able to let go of things that are smaller is such an important life saving skill, sanity saving skill to, to really acquire and to learn. So that’s good, good for you.
FRANCES ( 00:17:23): Not that I’m perfect because trust me, we have no none of us are, you know, like it and it’s hard, like, you know, we say it all the time, like, you know, raising children, period is hard and then, you know, they don’t come with instruction manuals. What you did with your first child is not gonna work with your second or third child. No. And anywhere in between. And it’s just, you know, I used to tell my dad all the time, like, yeah, you screwed up when we were little but you did the best you could with what, you know.
HANNA ( 00:17:52): Right. And I, why, why isn’t, why isn’t there more training? So, with all of my education, I, so at, at another point I was the, director of coaching for a company called Soccer Shots, which a lot of parents might know it’s a franchise for soccer for really little children all the way up until about early, tweens. And during that time, you know, I needed to teach college age coaches on how to manage groups of children, either three year olds, four year olds, five year olds, but a group of 10 of them. Right. And so during that time, way back when I learned an immense amount about childhood development, what a three year old can and can’t do what a six year old should be expected to be able to do. And I was just like, why are we not being taught this in college like this? Should be a prerequisite for being a parent, for sure, because it helped me to be so much more patient. Right. And so with kids with ADHD they’re three years developmentally behind. And so you wouldn’t ask an 11 year old or a 10 year old to do a certain chore if they have ADHD that a seven year old, you know, couldn’t do right. Or would the opposite. So it’s, it’s just really important to understand those things and, and we have to be taught it and I think that there is a stigma around saying that out loud because a lot of people feel, well, I wasn’t taught, raised that way. So I don’t need to X Y and Z and I don’t get it, I don’t get it. If they just learned, then they would say, oh, of course, you need this information. So it’s a tricky tightrope to walk. Yeah.
FRANCES ( 00:19:44): And it’s, it’s, you know, because I’m, you know, we were brought up in the era of you did what your parents say or, you know, I don’t know about you but a lot of families were, or you were backhanded like, you know, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. And I definitely don’t, you know, agree with it at all, but we were brought up that, that’s what you did, you did what your parents told you. That’s not working with our children these days.
HANNA ( 00:20:08): It isn’t. And I don’t, and I don’t think it ever did work honestly. You know, because when I wasn’t heard or felt understood because I was quickly dismissed or you just do this because I said so kind of a directive. I just remember how it felt and I think that’s where I succeed a lot too. Is that I, I still, I am still that child. I remember everything in feeling, maybe not in memory so much, but I remember all of those feelings and that’s why I connect to children so well too and I’m able to help them out through my coaching. But it, it’s, yeah, it, the way that they, who, whomever our parents parented was for a different world, just like you’re saying, and with their availability for just so much more information than we ever had. I can’t imagine myself at 13 years old with social media.
FRANCES ( 00:21:06): I, I’m with you. I’m like, thank God it wasn’t, I don’t know,
HANNA ( 00:21:14): I, I don’t know how I would have survived, especially, you know, there’s rejection sensitivity, dysmorphia, which a lot of us ADHD or struggle with. Right. So I can just imagine. I mean, I got sort of bullied at, at some point, all of us probably, you know, got teased and, and whatever, but when we’ve got ADHD it, it gets magnified, we catastrophize, you know, that’s a part of it. And I just can’t imagine what it would be like. I don’t, I don’t even pay attention to my own comments on my own social because it can have such a long lasting effect, you know, especially for us. ADHD so, yeah, I could talk about that forever.
FRANCES ( 00:21:53): But then, so that’s where you come in that you help the children and the parents. Yes. Post. Right.
HANNA ( 00:21:59): Well, I mean, to, at least, so we can’t not do things. Right. So that’s part of having ADHD, but at least being aware of it, you can say, ok, that’s right. I’m just catastrophizing right now. Chill out. That’s just my brain. Then you can move on. We can’t fix ADHD. Obviously there’s medication that primarily and, you know, I’m not necessarily for or against. I don’t give, I’m not a doctor. Right. So, I do know what it can do for children and it can work miracles if you are on the right medication, especially, for those of us who struggle a great deal with impulsivity. It really gives you that pause before that child decides to push Johnny across the classroom. So, yeah. So, where was I going with that? There goes my working memory. What the medication.
FRANCES ( 00:22:54): Yeah. No, what the medication does. And it’s interesting because I was talking with somebody actually today about, her child and they tried the medication route and when he was doing his math work. He was like, on target doing the next day doing writing three hours later, he still hadn’t done the assignment. And the mom asked him, like, why he goes well, the medication is helping me focus. Right. But it’s not giving me the motivation or the desire to do the other thing. Right. I like math. I don’t like writing.
HANNA ( 00:23:28): Bingo. That’s exactly, that is the key. So parents again, will always, will often say, sort of why can he focus for 10,000 hours on his video game? And if we have a problem with motivation when we aren’t interested in something and I can’t stress to everybody enough that this is a physical thing that happens with our brains. It’s as though it doesn’t get turned on and if it’s something that isn’t interesting, it is almost physically painful for us to have to try to concentrate on it, it is incredibly difficult. And, you know, we can hyperfocus when we’re interested. So that’s just another fact. And it, again, these kinds of things that I coach parents on you have, you have to remind them of these things in different situations every single time you meet because you can’t explain it once and have them say, oh, oh, that’s right. You know, that’s because of this and this and this. So, yeah, there’s, there’s a lot of tricky sort of parts to parent training. I think one of the things that’s also tricky is getting them to understand the medical aspect of it. So I’m also a neurofeedback technician. And when I had my QEEG done, which is basically a scan of the brain waves, right where the activity is. And all of that, the whole prefrontal cortex was just red, just red, meaning not working very well. Everything back here was green. And it was so exciting the very first time I saw that because it was just validation, right? This is an actual medical condition, right? Where your prefrontal cortex is just it’s deregulated. And that’s kind of a hard thing to explain. I basically tried to explain that it’s, it’s foggy and your kids need glasses to see things clearly. And those glasses are strategies that you implement in the household to make their lives run smoother so that they remember things and they follow through on things and yeah, I mean, I gosh, I could go on and on about all sorts of things but and
FRANCES ( 00:25:42): it’s also the strategies that they need to be learning at school. And you know, I do have to say finally, executive functioning is the other thing that schools are now understanding and teaching. Yeah, offering again, it used to be but it’s not academic and it’s like,
HANNA ( 00:26:01): right, if I know
FRANCES ( 00:26:03): not maintaining assignment due dates, how is that not academic? Right. Right. It’s not that they have the skill but they’re not maintaining what needs to be done. Right.
HANNA ( 00:26:15): And, yeah. And so like, for ADHD it’s not happening because it’s not right in front of them. So you literally should have, here’s a little takeaway for at home, you know, homework assignments or whatever. There should be a planner. It should be above wherever your child is doing. Their school work on, on whatever computer it can’t be stored in the computer on tabs if it’s there, if it’s like that, we can’t see it. It literally has to be in front of our faces for us to go. Oh, that’s right. I need to do math, you know, and just looking at it, that, that’s critical for us out of sight, out of mind is just like, yeah, and it’s,
FRANCES ( 00:26:57): it’s teaching like, yes, the school has to do a lot. But as a parent, yes, it’s frustrating and it’s annoying to make all these checklists and make all this stuff and do this extra work. But that’s our job as parents
HANNA ( 00:27:09): children and it’s only annoying at the beginning because it’s new. Right. This is the excited part. I mean, I get so excited. I’m like, ok, yes, you’re gonna be very annoyed, rolling your eyes at coach Hanna A K coach banana to the kids all the time because I’m gonna be asking you to do this again. I gotta add this. I gotta add this. Yes, but it’s for a short period of time because it’s new. It feels like it’s a lot one you get into the habit of just having that planner up there and the child can look up and understand and, you know, and see what they need to do. Then there’s more autonomy, they can start doing things on their own more and to piggyback on that. A huge takeaway to any parent out there listening. One of the most important things to change within your household to make things run smoother is to have a very strict routine, not so much strict, but a routine that you can adhere to. That is the same every single day. So for example, so the more things are the more children know what to expect with ADHD, not with ADHD, but with when they have ADHD, when they know to expect things, their life will run far more smoothly when there are new things popping into their lives that they were not ready for. That’s when meltdowns and sue. And so creating a routine, whether it be for this summer or the school year, have them still wake up at nine or 9 30. I’m not necessarily talking about the older teens. Again, this is where parent training, you know, is specific to different age groups, right? So, but generally speaking, having a routine to follow for their child just makes that life so much easier for the parent, you know, because it’s the same every day. They know what to expect, far less meltdowns all that.
FRANCES ( 00:29:02): And it, it, I’m like, I’m just thinking to myself, like, yeah, if I could stick to a routine it would be nice, you know. But even for myself, but I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD, I probably have a little there somewhere. , but, you know, like having a routine is helpful because it’s just, you know, like, I know we used to try to plan meals ahead of time and stuff like that and it never happens and then we wind up like, what are we doing for dinner tonight? And, you know, whereas if we knew Mondays were gonna be meat, Tuesdays are gonna be vegetarian. You know what I mean? At least that topic. Right. So,
HANNA ( 00:29:36): yeah, and then how specific do you get on that routine? Right. And then what you let go and what don’t you let go of and all of these things? You know, you know, they’re best dealt with, with, you know, people who, you know, parent trainers essentially and there are a lot of good companies out there. A lot of good companies out there. So, yeah, it’s…
FRANCES ( 00:29:58): So your program, I think it’s called, conquering ADHD behaviors. So, how is that different from others that are out there? Like, what makes you special? Like, what’s special in your own. But you know what I mean? Like, you know, there’s so many out there right now, like there are H D coaches and like, how do you know, like what?
HANNA ( 00:30:22): Yeah, there, are a lot to, you know, companies and coaches out there, what makes mine different is that I coach the children as well. , so I work on, you know, the different executive functions. It’s a six week course, essentially, I work with the parents anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and this can include grandparents and any caregiver. So, it’s important to get as many people together to learn about this. It’s once a week as you can, you know, you might as well grandparents and even babysitters and, what not often join the parents. And then thereafter and so I’m coaching them on the different executive functions. And then we go into their different struggles throughout the. So some households struggle mostly with homework time, some struggle, our households struggle mostly with you know, explosive behavior and whatnot. And so it’s, it’s very specific to whomever has signed up. So the 45 minutes to an hour with the caregivers and then the either 35 minutes to you know, 20 minutes, it depends on the child. It depends on the day is focused on raising that child’s self-worth and selfish steam and focusing on their strengths. So I do a strength assessment. We do a lot of, you know, one on one coaching, of the kids or I do , around their ADHD so teaching them about it and then exploring their strengths, they already know what their weaknesses are but they, all of everybody, every child, I’m telling you 1000%. If they haven’t gotten any coaching or training, they are attributing all of their weaknesses as a moral failing or a, just a personal failing on their part. We all do because, you know, that’s the response we get from society because we aren’t able to do the easier things. , but we are very intelligent in many ways and have a ton of strengths and so it’s uncovering those that is, is super important. I just, I, I just wish I could help fewer children get into trouble for things that they can’t control. It just makes me tear up, you know, when they can’t control something, don’t even get me started on that. They’re getting screwed at that.
FRANCES ( 00:32:49): The work I did, you know, in the delinquency courts, it’s just, you know, like it’s such a challenge and even, you know, my manifestation of determination meetings and stuff, it’s just not. How can you say it’s not? Well, they know better. I’m like, no, they don’t. No. Yeah. Yes, they can tell you right now. They know better. But in that moment Right. They, they, they don’t have
HANNA ( 00:33:11): that process. Yes. It’s a, it’s all involuntary. Right. A lot of their reactions are involuntary reactions to whatever is happening around them. They need to learn also the skills, the social skills and, and all sorts of different things too. Yeah.
FRANCES ( 00:33:29): Yeah. And I, you know, I love that you, you were saying about the strains because that’s one of the things that’s hard at IEP meetings and that I, you know, tell the parents it’s gonna be a lot of what your child can’t do. Right. And that’s what it’s focused on. And I’m like, as a society, we need to figure out like this is where the education system needs a complete overhaul. What can your child do? Let’s focus on that
HANNA ( 00:33:55): stuff like,
FRANCES ( 00:33:57): ok, every child is not gonna be able to spell. Why are we doing weekly spelling tests? Because they understand you need to learn to spell. But in reality, who knows how to spell these days?
HANNA ( 00:34:07): Right. Right. But you know, so if they, if we can’t change that, right, the likelihood of us being able to change that is pretty slim. However we can say, ok, teacher a here is, are the, here’s a stack of, you know, cards where the words that they need to spell are now put into a song with a rhyme and that you’re gonna give to your kids to take home who have ADHD and that’s gonna be their way to learn those words. Like they need those tools, right? Like if we hear something and we can sing it or, you know, we’ve got chopsticks and we’re drumming to like the ABCD, whatever it is that will sink in for us. And so the teacher then needs to have those tools ready and available. So maybe that’s what we need to create more of a package of, I don’t know, some kind of like toolbox for the teachers, not just teaching them, this is what you should know and this is how you should respond to a child with ADHD. But here are the tangible things that you can give your child with ADHD to take home to study for spelling, to study for math, like create something like that. See, that’s one of our strengths is we have great ideas. We just don’t, can’t implement them. Right. Exactly.
FRANCES ( 00:35:27): No. You know, it’s true because I remember. So I was my, I was originally a general ed teacher, a general education teacher and then I went back to my masters in special ed and I remember in the class is like, why didn’t they teach this to general education teachers?
HANNA ( 00:35:40): Right. Right.
FRANCES ( 00:35:41): Right. Right. It’s not like, it’s not like the techniques you’re using to teach an ADHD child is not going to work on a neurotypical. Right. It’s gonna work on everybody and it does. I do have to say, Montgomery County has gotten better, at least with math, with how they teach, teaching math and all the different ways. It’s still mind boggling for us that learned how to carry the one with the decomposing, whatever the heck that is, decomposing numbers. But it’s right. But it’s still a different way to help tap into the kids that do it differently. Right. And, it needs to happen everywhere.
HANNA ( 00:36:20): Yes, for sure. So,
FRANCES ( 00:36:22): I feel like we could talk forever and I know it’s like, right, well, such an important topic, you know, and like, I love that you’re open and honest that you have ADHD, you have ADHD children. And that’s, I think that’s where the connection is of how, you know, somebody is better because, like, I don’t say better, but how do you know a kid? A coach is a good fit?
HANNA ( 00:36:45): I think they should either have. So they don’t have to have ADHD. Right. But the, what’s happening with the children internally if you want to work specifically on your child’s self-worth, if you feel like that’s a super important piece of it, then definitely hire a coach that has ADHD because we can relate on a level that others can’t really, you know, they can learn about it, but it’s that deep, deep, deep, sort of, I don’t know if it’s like a dislike for your, you know, just the really bad, poor self esteem that we tend to have because of everything that we’ve gone through as, as children. It’s really important for the parent to have somebody that really understands that to the core, you know. So, yeah, and also just be, I know that we have to go because I could keep talking forever and ever, but I, I do wanna say that because of the fact that ADHD is so, it’s a hereditary, mostly hereditary, disability, which we don’t like to say. But it is, the parents are struggling in a different way too. So parents who have ADHD, they absolutely need to understand themselves. And also, I, it’s amazing. I find parents that have ADHD are harder on their children that have ADHD I think because they struggled so badly. They don’t want their child to struggle the way that they did. So, they’re so much more intense about, you know, don’t do this or don’t do that because they know they know the repercussions. And so that’s important for them to, to grasp their own, to learn all about it. , because we know we need our own parenting, help us people that have ADHD.
FRANCES ( 00:38:37): It takes a village.
HANNA ( 00:38:39): And I thank God for people like you though. I’m so, I’m, I’m so happy that there are people like you out there.
FRANCES ( 00:38:45): And I think that there’s people like you because it’s the same thing that parents, you know, you get that new diagnosis. Parents don’t know where to turn, they don’t know where to turn. You know, I still get people say really like there’s education attorneys, you know, I’m like, right, like
HANNA ( 00:39:00): we’re there for you for making some noise.
FRANCES ( 00:39:03): Thank you and thank you so much for coming on the show. I know you, all your information is gonna be in the show notes underneath and will be posted. This has been so awesome.
HANNA ( 00:39:14): It has been. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it and keep on keeping on all the good work.
FRANCES ( 00:39:20): You, you too.
HANNA ( 00:39:22): Ok, I appreciate you.
VOICEOVER ( 00:39:23): You’ve been listening to Stress-Free IEP®. With your host Frances Shefter. Remember you do not need to do it all alone. You can reach Frances through ShefterLaw.com where prior episodes are also posted. Thank you for your positive reviews, comments and sharing the show with others through YouTube, LinkedIn, Apple Podcast, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher and more.
Stress-Free IEP® with Frances Shefter and Hanna Forrest
In this episode of Stress-Free IEP®, Frances Shefter speaks with Hanna Forrest, ADHD Specialist and Parent Trainer. With over a decade of experience, Hanna has transformed the lives of parents and their children, helping them to live calmer, more structured lives through her innovative programming.
Hanna discusses how important it is for parents and caregivers to understand the developmental delays that often come with ADHD. She explores the availability of parent training courses specifically tailored to children with ADHD, and the stigma around this type of training.
Hanna shares her personal experience as an ADHD coach with eight years of experience, having ADHD themselves and being a parent to a child with ADHD. She explains the benefits of hiring a coach with ADHD, as they understand the struggles and can relate to the children on a different level.
Gain a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by individuals with ADHD, the importance of tailored parenting strategies, and the opportunities for coaching services that can make a significant difference in the lives of children and their caregivers.
Stress-Free IEP®:
Frances Shefter is an Education Attorney and Advocate who is committed to helping her clients have a Stress-Free IEP® experience. In each podcast, Frances interviews inspiring people to share information, educate you, empower you and help you get the knowledge you need.
Watch more episodes of Stress-Free® on YouTube.
Connect and learn more from your host, Frances Shefter:
Read the full transcript:
FRANCES ( 00:00:38): Hello, everyone. Thank you for listening and watching and welcome to the show. Today’s special guest, Hanna Forrest is an ADHD specialist and a parent trainer. So Hanna, please tell us a little bit about yourself. Introduce yourself.
HANNA ( 00:00:54): Hello. Hello. Hello, everybody. I’m so happy that I’m here. Thank you for having me. This is such an important topic here. ADHD, right? And IEPs and, and everything. I have been an ADHD coach now for about eight or so years. I have ADHD, the combined type. So I’ve got double the fun when it comes to ADHD and I’m a parent to a child with ADHD and I just, I am everything ADHD. So I’m super familiar with all of the struggles that come along with it. But also, you know, there are numerous strengths that do come along with it too that we don’t talk enough about. I grew up in Tokyo, Japan where, and it was in the seventies, I’m gonna age myself. But, you know, it’s not a culture that, you know, really, sort of celebrates the effervescent type of person, which is what I was super lively with the age part of the ADHD. But, you know, growing up there, it just, there were so many struggles that do come along with ADHD. So I decided to devote my life and career to helping children primarily, but by default then helping, of course, the parents too. and how to parent children with ADHD because there are specific ways. So that’s just a little snippet.
FRANCES ( 00:02:29): It’s interesting that you say that in Japan because here in the States I’ll date myself too in the seventies and eighties. It ADHD wasn’t even recognized as a school issue. I know. And I remember they would say that’s a medical issue. It’s a medical diagnosis that couldn’t get the kids support. And that was even after Special Ed became a little bit more expected, you know, acceptable because originally it was like, you don’t want your kids special ed. No, you’re not special ed. No. And then it became more accepting but ADHD was a medical thing. Like, nope, nope, it’s not educational. And we get to that a lot and then I’m curious, CADDC, what does that stand for?
HANNA ( 00:03:10): Certified ADHD Coach? There we go. Thank you. Now, you know, it is ADHD and they’ve kind of knocked off, you know, or excuse me, they, it’s only ADHD that it’s referred to now. So, it’s either the inattentive type or the hyperactive type and then there’s the combined type as well. So, but that’s what that stands for, right.
FRANCES ( 00:03:31): Which, you know, it makes me crazy that they do that because inattentive type is not hyperactive type. Why that, you know, I
HANNA ( 00:03:38): just leave the H in there and, you know, I don’t know,
FRANCES ( 00:03:41): they just get rid of the A’s,
HANNA ( 00:03:43): right. Yeah, I’m disappointed that Doctor Russell Barkley has retired because, you know, he’s the king of all research related ADHD information. But yeah, just so that he can help continue to clarify, but that’s ok. There are folks like us out there trying to sort of, you know, walk in his very big footsteps. So. Right.
FRANCES ( 00:04:08): And it’s a challenge I find often with schools because like, I know when I was a teacher back, way back when, and, you know, the teacher training ADHD you think of the hyperactivity and a lot of times, especially our girls that present very differently, they’re overlooked because they’re out in, you know, they’re in the back, they’re quiet, they’re not causing issues. They’re daydreaming is what everybody thinks and they say, like daydreaming and it’s like they can’t quit daydreaming. That’s the ADHD, right.
HANNA ( 00:04:43): Yeah, it’s, it’s really tricky but it’s also, you know, heartwarming to know that this is evolving and changing and the education on ADHD is constantly changing. And that it’s more prevalent there, you know, more information is out there. So I think the awareness is growing, which is terrific. But to your speaking about schools in particular, it’s really tricky to expect teachers. They don’t tend to have a very great understanding of ADHD in particular, right? It’s not their fault. They don’t get a whole lot of training on it. And there are so many specific ways in which we learn, whether it’s the girl in the back of the class, you know, that has an attentive type or the hyperactive boy. I mean, I was both. But, you know, there’s just, there’s a lot more that is evolving in the education of it and I’m hoping that that spills sort of over to schools and teachers that really need that assistance. You know,
FRANCES ( 00:05:56): and I don’t blame the teachers at all. Like I’ve been there. I know, you know, like they can’t, and, and the reason the hyperactive type gets noticed more is because it’s interrupting the class. And so as much as we try to focus on everybody when one is taking away, they get noticed and, and get looked into
HANNA ( 00:06:18): the squeaky wheel. Right.
FRANCES ( 00:06:20): Exactly. And that’s why, you know, it’s funny that you say that I was, talking to another parent this morning about when I was a teacher that I used to say, I don’t want to be that parent and now that I’m a mother, I am happy to be that parent because we have to, you know, yeah. And that’s why, you know, a lot of what I do, I do what I do because I want to help other families and parents learn how to advocate for their children.
HANNA ( 00:06:45): Right. And that’s the, that is such a valuable tool. I mean, you know, parents, when their child gets diagnosed, they basically have one option that their pediatrician, generally speaking offers, which is medication. There isn’t a sort of, oh, and there’s this and there’s this and there’s this, which is unfortunate, but of course, you know, we can keep trying to change that too. But so what you do is so incredibly important, you know, being sort of the hub of , being that support for parents is so critical, they, they just kind of get this diagnosis and they’re just swimming out there and, you know, information land and they don’t know what to take. So kudos to you for what you do, what you do. It’s a point.
FRANCES ( 00:07:32): Yeah. And I mean, that’s, that’s why my youtube channel and this show developed was because talking to more families. , and, you know, I’ve talked to a lot of families that come to me and I’m like, you know what? Yes, I could help you get a really good IEP. But honestly, I think the money is better spent this way supporting your child because I’m very child focused. Right? That’s why I, yeah, I was so excited to have you on because you do the parent training. Right. Right. And that is so needed because the teachers do what they can with the IEP. But if the parents aren’t reinforcing stuff at home, right. Or don’t know what to be asking for. Right. So how does that work? Like the parent training? Like what do you do? Do you have classes? Is it?
HANNA ( 00:08:17): So, you know, there are a number of different parent training courses out there that you can take in companies, you know, that specifically train parents and it is really important for parents to first and foremost, understand that there is a particular way to parent a child that has ADHD there is and they should learn it so that they don’t go crazy because right now they’re probably going crazy. Right? And so, although my goal is, my end goal is to help children and their self confidence because when that goes awry, which it does for all of us with ADHD, it’s really hard to repair, right? For lack of a better term. So coaching the parents and teaching them how to parent a child with ADHD is critical, first and foremost, it’s called behavior parent behavior training essentially. Now it runs the gamut, right? So the way that I coach parents is basically from the eight primary, there are more but executive function areas that we struggle with stemming from our prefrontal cortex, which is all fuzzy up here. This is where the doing of things is housed in our brains and this is where the knowing of things is, is housed and our knowing of things is fine. It has nothing to do with intelligence and you know that word is getting out. But there are ways, let me give you a simple example of something that happens every day, all the time with parents. They are asking their son, Johnny who has ADHD to OK, Johnny go upstairs and get your pj’s on brush your teeth and don’t forget to whatever it is Johnny, then goes upstairs and he sees a little fuzz on the stair and he picks at it and he looks at it and so far he’s heard what his parents have asked him to do, but he has just lost two out of the three things. Right. It’s just gone from his working memory. And so by the time he gets up to the top of the stairs, he probably can pick out all the teeth, maybe I need to brush my teeth, right? And then the other things sort of get forgotten. And what unfortunately if the parent isn’t fully aware of the working memory, being able to hold information and then executing a task, if they aren’t aware that that’s an executive function that their child is struggling with. They may see that lack of following direction as being disrespectful. And then so the parent goes straight to being angry. So first of all, my greatest joy is being able to lift the parent’s stress level, right? I’m bringing down their blood pressure and raising their child’s self esteem is really what my goal is so that they don’t have to get angry at the fact that their child didn’t do the X Y and the Z, basically, all you need are strategies. So in that case, you know, you can have something that’s written down on the wall in different colors that the child can check off and haven’t done. So it’s very simple things. But without knowing that and learning that the poor parents are in this constant state of stress and anger and frustration. And when the child, you know, receives all of that stress and anger and frustration, it wreaks immense havoc on their self worth because they are saying to themselves, why can’t I just blah, blah, blah. When my sister Sally doesn’t have a problem with it, what’s wrong with me as a person? And that’s what the child thinks and it has nothing to do with their intelligence or their person. You know, it’s just the front of their brains and even having the parents really grasp the fact that their children, this is a developmental disorder and that they are three years up to three years behind in that. Right? So when it comes to self control, you know, task initiation, doing a chore and their child is still sitting there and you’ve asked them to do it over and over again to understand that they are three up to three years behind and their development will give the parent more sort of sense of calm, of not getting so frustrated that their child isn’t doing blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. So that was a long roundabout way of explaining that essentially parent training is there to relieve the stress. At least that’s my goal to relieve the stress for parents. and to also raise the self worth of their child because I parent both, I think coach, both parents and the child.
FRANCES ( 00:13:00): Right. And that’s, I mean, of course, the show is called Stress-Free IEP®. That’s what I’m all about because I’m not being a parent myself, you know, like, it’s hard and, and like, most recently I’ve been working on, not losing my temper as much, which is a challenge. It’s so hard. But I started realizing, like, when I elevate my child elevates and it gets into this thing and none of what we want to get done gets done, right. We like now if I just keep myself down, so she gets elevated and frustrated and yelling at me. And it’s like I do understand that you’re upset right now, but we need to do this and then we can talk about that. Yeah, or whatever. Go hard.
HANNA ( 00:13:45): It’s so hard. So my middle child has ADHD and you know, because she’s a teen now too. that explosive anger and frustration can be not, can be, it is so incredibly difficult for parents to remain calm throughout all of that. But again, you know, one of the things that I really bring home to parents is that when the child is in that state of, you know, emotional, just complete meltdown. There is literally nothing that you can do to stop it at that moment, right? Because the blood has literally left the prefrontal cortex and they are in fight and fight. So another thing that, you know, I coach parents on is to keep in mind like I just, I keep bringing back those executive functions so that when they’re in that they can then just sort of take a deep breath and understand that there’s nothing that they can do to change that child’s temperament at that moment. Right? And like you said to, then thereafter talking about it is super important but even, you know what to say to the child. And there are so many components to ADHD and understanding, you know, how to best parent them. It’s just, I, you know, it can’t be taught enough, right? And get it out there enough, you know.
FRANCES ( 00:15:17): No. And it is so important because I hate the word disability, I hate and stuff like that. It’s just like I’m now like looking at how yes, we need IEPs obviously we need, you know, all of that. But a lot of times kids then feel different and that something’s wrong with them, right. You know, and growing up myself, you know, my story, I couldn’t spell, I thought I was stupid because I couldn’t spell. My brain just didn’t work that way. You know, I was on law review. Obviously I could write spelling. Wasn’t that important, you know, like, right. And, and that’s the thing and it’s like, so I know as a parent myself when my kids come home and they’re not doing well in their spelling and I’m like, daddy didn’t spell well and Mommy didn’t spell well. You don’t really have much of a chance there. Right. We’ll try, we’ll study. Right. You
HANNA ( 00:16:08): know, and what you do, what you are saying to yourself by doing that is you are letting some of the smaller things go. And I think that’s where we get tripped up as parents myself, included. I mean, I’m constantly having to remind myself about all of these things, right? Even though I know them when you’re the parent and you’re in it, it’s so much harder to sort of talk yourself down from the ledge, which is why a parent coach is so important to, you know, reinforce with that parent, what they’re doing that’s effective and what they can change. But the letting go of some of the smaller things is so critically important in saving your sanity as a parent. It really is. You know, when my 16 year old is having a meltdown, sort of spouting back, I, I really am focused on what to let go of and what not to let go of what’s really important and being able to let go of things that are smaller is such an important life saving skill, sanity saving skill to, to really acquire and to learn. So that’s good, good for you.
FRANCES ( 00:17:23): Not that I’m perfect because trust me, we have no none of us are, you know, like it and it’s hard, like, you know, we say it all the time, like, you know, raising children, period is hard and then, you know, they don’t come with instruction manuals. What you did with your first child is not gonna work with your second or third child. No. And anywhere in between. And it’s just, you know, I used to tell my dad all the time, like, yeah, you screwed up when we were little but you did the best you could with what, you know.
HANNA ( 00:17:52): Right. And I, why, why isn’t, why isn’t there more training? So, with all of my education, I, so at, at another point I was the, director of coaching for a company called Soccer Shots, which a lot of parents might know it’s a franchise for soccer for really little children all the way up until about early, tweens. And during that time, you know, I needed to teach college age coaches on how to manage groups of children, either three year olds, four year olds, five year olds, but a group of 10 of them. Right. And so during that time, way back when I learned an immense amount about childhood development, what a three year old can and can’t do what a six year old should be expected to be able to do. And I was just like, why are we not being taught this in college like this? Should be a prerequisite for being a parent, for sure, because it helped me to be so much more patient. Right. And so with kids with ADHD they’re three years developmentally behind. And so you wouldn’t ask an 11 year old or a 10 year old to do a certain chore if they have ADHD that a seven year old, you know, couldn’t do right. Or would the opposite. So it’s, it’s just really important to understand those things and, and we have to be taught it and I think that there is a stigma around saying that out loud because a lot of people feel, well, I wasn’t taught, raised that way. So I don’t need to X Y and Z and I don’t get it, I don’t get it. If they just learned, then they would say, oh, of course, you need this information. So it’s a tricky tightrope to walk. Yeah.
FRANCES ( 00:19:44): And it’s, it’s, you know, because I’m, you know, we were brought up in the era of you did what your parents say or, you know, I don’t know about you but a lot of families were, or you were backhanded like, you know, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. And I definitely don’t, you know, agree with it at all, but we were brought up that, that’s what you did, you did what your parents told you. That’s not working with our children these days.
HANNA ( 00:20:08): It isn’t. And I don’t, and I don’t think it ever did work honestly. You know, because when I wasn’t heard or felt understood because I was quickly dismissed or you just do this because I said so kind of a directive. I just remember how it felt and I think that’s where I succeed a lot too. Is that I, I still, I am still that child. I remember everything in feeling, maybe not in memory so much, but I remember all of those feelings and that’s why I connect to children so well too and I’m able to help them out through my coaching. But it, it’s, yeah, it, the way that they, who, whomever our parents parented was for a different world, just like you’re saying, and with their availability for just so much more information than we ever had. I can’t imagine myself at 13 years old with social media.
FRANCES ( 00:21:06): I, I’m with you. I’m like, thank God it wasn’t, I don’t know,
HANNA ( 00:21:14): I, I don’t know how I would have survived, especially, you know, there’s rejection sensitivity, dysmorphia, which a lot of us ADHD or struggle with. Right. So I can just imagine. I mean, I got sort of bullied at, at some point, all of us probably, you know, got teased and, and whatever, but when we’ve got ADHD it, it gets magnified, we catastrophize, you know, that’s a part of it. And I just can’t imagine what it would be like. I don’t, I don’t even pay attention to my own comments on my own social because it can have such a long lasting effect, you know, especially for us. ADHD so, yeah, I could talk about that forever.
FRANCES ( 00:21:53): But then, so that’s where you come in that you help the children and the parents. Yes. Post. Right.
HANNA ( 00:21:59): Well, I mean, to, at least, so we can’t not do things. Right. So that’s part of having ADHD, but at least being aware of it, you can say, ok, that’s right. I’m just catastrophizing right now. Chill out. That’s just my brain. Then you can move on. We can’t fix ADHD. Obviously there’s medication that primarily and, you know, I’m not necessarily for or against. I don’t give, I’m not a doctor. Right. So, I do know what it can do for children and it can work miracles if you are on the right medication, especially, for those of us who struggle a great deal with impulsivity. It really gives you that pause before that child decides to push Johnny across the classroom. So, yeah. So, where was I going with that? There goes my working memory. What the medication.
FRANCES ( 00:22:54): Yeah. No, what the medication does. And it’s interesting because I was talking with somebody actually today about, her child and they tried the medication route and when he was doing his math work. He was like, on target doing the next day doing writing three hours later, he still hadn’t done the assignment. And the mom asked him, like, why he goes well, the medication is helping me focus. Right. But it’s not giving me the motivation or the desire to do the other thing. Right. I like math. I don’t like writing.
HANNA ( 00:23:28): Bingo. That’s exactly, that is the key. So parents again, will always, will often say, sort of why can he focus for 10,000 hours on his video game? And if we have a problem with motivation when we aren’t interested in something and I can’t stress to everybody enough that this is a physical thing that happens with our brains. It’s as though it doesn’t get turned on and if it’s something that isn’t interesting, it is almost physically painful for us to have to try to concentrate on it, it is incredibly difficult. And, you know, we can hyperfocus when we’re interested. So that’s just another fact. And it, again, these kinds of things that I coach parents on you have, you have to remind them of these things in different situations every single time you meet because you can’t explain it once and have them say, oh, oh, that’s right. You know, that’s because of this and this and this. So, yeah, there’s, there’s a lot of tricky sort of parts to parent training. I think one of the things that’s also tricky is getting them to understand the medical aspect of it. So I’m also a neurofeedback technician. And when I had my QEEG done, which is basically a scan of the brain waves, right where the activity is. And all of that, the whole prefrontal cortex was just red, just red, meaning not working very well. Everything back here was green. And it was so exciting the very first time I saw that because it was just validation, right? This is an actual medical condition, right? Where your prefrontal cortex is just it’s deregulated. And that’s kind of a hard thing to explain. I basically tried to explain that it’s, it’s foggy and your kids need glasses to see things clearly. And those glasses are strategies that you implement in the household to make their lives run smoother so that they remember things and they follow through on things and yeah, I mean, I gosh, I could go on and on about all sorts of things but and
FRANCES ( 00:25:42): it’s also the strategies that they need to be learning at school. And you know, I do have to say finally, executive functioning is the other thing that schools are now understanding and teaching. Yeah, offering again, it used to be but it’s not academic and it’s like,
HANNA ( 00:26:01): right, if I know
FRANCES ( 00:26:03): not maintaining assignment due dates, how is that not academic? Right. Right. It’s not that they have the skill but they’re not maintaining what needs to be done. Right.
HANNA ( 00:26:15): And, yeah. And so like, for ADHD it’s not happening because it’s not right in front of them. So you literally should have, here’s a little takeaway for at home, you know, homework assignments or whatever. There should be a planner. It should be above wherever your child is doing. Their school work on, on whatever computer it can’t be stored in the computer on tabs if it’s there, if it’s like that, we can’t see it. It literally has to be in front of our faces for us to go. Oh, that’s right. I need to do math, you know, and just looking at it, that, that’s critical for us out of sight, out of mind is just like, yeah, and it’s,
FRANCES ( 00:26:57): it’s teaching like, yes, the school has to do a lot. But as a parent, yes, it’s frustrating and it’s annoying to make all these checklists and make all this stuff and do this extra work. But that’s our job as parents
HANNA ( 00:27:09): children and it’s only annoying at the beginning because it’s new. Right. This is the excited part. I mean, I get so excited. I’m like, ok, yes, you’re gonna be very annoyed, rolling your eyes at coach Hanna A K coach banana to the kids all the time because I’m gonna be asking you to do this again. I gotta add this. I gotta add this. Yes, but it’s for a short period of time because it’s new. It feels like it’s a lot one you get into the habit of just having that planner up there and the child can look up and understand and, you know, and see what they need to do. Then there’s more autonomy, they can start doing things on their own more and to piggyback on that. A huge takeaway to any parent out there listening. One of the most important things to change within your household to make things run smoother is to have a very strict routine, not so much strict, but a routine that you can adhere to. That is the same every single day. So for example, so the more things are the more children know what to expect with ADHD, not with ADHD, but with when they have ADHD, when they know to expect things, their life will run far more smoothly when there are new things popping into their lives that they were not ready for. That’s when meltdowns and sue. And so creating a routine, whether it be for this summer or the school year, have them still wake up at nine or 9 30. I’m not necessarily talking about the older teens. Again, this is where parent training, you know, is specific to different age groups, right? So, but generally speaking, having a routine to follow for their child just makes that life so much easier for the parent, you know, because it’s the same every day. They know what to expect, far less meltdowns all that.
FRANCES ( 00:29:02): And it, it, I’m like, I’m just thinking to myself, like, yeah, if I could stick to a routine it would be nice, you know. But even for myself, but I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD, I probably have a little there somewhere. , but, you know, like having a routine is helpful because it’s just, you know, like, I know we used to try to plan meals ahead of time and stuff like that and it never happens and then we wind up like, what are we doing for dinner tonight? And, you know, whereas if we knew Mondays were gonna be meat, Tuesdays are gonna be vegetarian. You know what I mean? At least that topic. Right. So,
HANNA ( 00:29:36): yeah, and then how specific do you get on that routine? Right. And then what you let go and what don’t you let go of and all of these things? You know, you know, they’re best dealt with, with, you know, people who, you know, parent trainers essentially and there are a lot of good companies out there. A lot of good companies out there. So, yeah, it’s…
FRANCES ( 00:29:58): So your program, I think it’s called, conquering ADHD behaviors. So, how is that different from others that are out there? Like, what makes you special? Like, what’s special in your own. But you know what I mean? Like, you know, there’s so many out there right now, like there are H D coaches and like, how do you know, like what?
HANNA ( 00:30:22): Yeah, there, are a lot to, you know, companies and coaches out there, what makes mine different is that I coach the children as well. , so I work on, you know, the different executive functions. It’s a six week course, essentially, I work with the parents anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and this can include grandparents and any caregiver. So, it’s important to get as many people together to learn about this. It’s once a week as you can, you know, you might as well grandparents and even babysitters and, what not often join the parents. And then thereafter and so I’m coaching them on the different executive functions. And then we go into their different struggles throughout the. So some households struggle mostly with homework time, some struggle, our households struggle mostly with you know, explosive behavior and whatnot. And so it’s, it’s very specific to whomever has signed up. So the 45 minutes to an hour with the caregivers and then the either 35 minutes to you know, 20 minutes, it depends on the child. It depends on the day is focused on raising that child’s self-worth and selfish steam and focusing on their strengths. So I do a strength assessment. We do a lot of, you know, one on one coaching, of the kids or I do , around their ADHD so teaching them about it and then exploring their strengths, they already know what their weaknesses are but they, all of everybody, every child, I’m telling you 1000%. If they haven’t gotten any coaching or training, they are attributing all of their weaknesses as a moral failing or a, just a personal failing on their part. We all do because, you know, that’s the response we get from society because we aren’t able to do the easier things. , but we are very intelligent in many ways and have a ton of strengths and so it’s uncovering those that is, is super important. I just, I, I just wish I could help fewer children get into trouble for things that they can’t control. It just makes me tear up, you know, when they can’t control something, don’t even get me started on that. They’re getting screwed at that.
FRANCES ( 00:32:49): The work I did, you know, in the delinquency courts, it’s just, you know, like it’s such a challenge and even, you know, my manifestation of determination meetings and stuff, it’s just not. How can you say it’s not? Well, they know better. I’m like, no, they don’t. No. Yeah. Yes, they can tell you right now. They know better. But in that moment Right. They, they, they don’t have
HANNA ( 00:33:11): that process. Yes. It’s a, it’s all involuntary. Right. A lot of their reactions are involuntary reactions to whatever is happening around them. They need to learn also the skills, the social skills and, and all sorts of different things too. Yeah.
FRANCES ( 00:33:29): Yeah. And I, you know, I love that you, you were saying about the strains because that’s one of the things that’s hard at IEP meetings and that I, you know, tell the parents it’s gonna be a lot of what your child can’t do. Right. And that’s what it’s focused on. And I’m like, as a society, we need to figure out like this is where the education system needs a complete overhaul. What can your child do? Let’s focus on that
HANNA ( 00:33:55): stuff like,
FRANCES ( 00:33:57): ok, every child is not gonna be able to spell. Why are we doing weekly spelling tests? Because they understand you need to learn to spell. But in reality, who knows how to spell these days?
HANNA ( 00:34:07): Right. Right. But you know, so if they, if we can’t change that, right, the likelihood of us being able to change that is pretty slim. However we can say, ok, teacher a here is, are the, here’s a stack of, you know, cards where the words that they need to spell are now put into a song with a rhyme and that you’re gonna give to your kids to take home who have ADHD and that’s gonna be their way to learn those words. Like they need those tools, right? Like if we hear something and we can sing it or, you know, we’ve got chopsticks and we’re drumming to like the ABCD, whatever it is that will sink in for us. And so the teacher then needs to have those tools ready and available. So maybe that’s what we need to create more of a package of, I don’t know, some kind of like toolbox for the teachers, not just teaching them, this is what you should know and this is how you should respond to a child with ADHD. But here are the tangible things that you can give your child with ADHD to take home to study for spelling, to study for math, like create something like that. See, that’s one of our strengths is we have great ideas. We just don’t, can’t implement them. Right. Exactly.
FRANCES ( 00:35:27): No. You know, it’s true because I remember. So I was my, I was originally a general ed teacher, a general education teacher and then I went back to my masters in special ed and I remember in the class is like, why didn’t they teach this to general education teachers?
HANNA ( 00:35:40): Right. Right.
FRANCES ( 00:35:41): Right. Right. It’s not like, it’s not like the techniques you’re using to teach an ADHD child is not going to work on a neurotypical. Right. It’s gonna work on everybody and it does. I do have to say, Montgomery County has gotten better, at least with math, with how they teach, teaching math and all the different ways. It’s still mind boggling for us that learned how to carry the one with the decomposing, whatever the heck that is, decomposing numbers. But it’s right. But it’s still a different way to help tap into the kids that do it differently. Right. And, it needs to happen everywhere.
HANNA ( 00:36:20): Yes, for sure. So,
FRANCES ( 00:36:22): I feel like we could talk forever and I know it’s like, right, well, such an important topic, you know, and like, I love that you’re open and honest that you have ADHD, you have ADHD children. And that’s, I think that’s where the connection is of how, you know, somebody is better because, like, I don’t say better, but how do you know a kid? A coach is a good fit?
HANNA ( 00:36:45): I think they should either have. So they don’t have to have ADHD. Right. But the, what’s happening with the children internally if you want to work specifically on your child’s self-worth, if you feel like that’s a super important piece of it, then definitely hire a coach that has ADHD because we can relate on a level that others can’t really, you know, they can learn about it, but it’s that deep, deep, deep, sort of, I don’t know if it’s like a dislike for your, you know, just the really bad, poor self esteem that we tend to have because of everything that we’ve gone through as, as children. It’s really important for the parent to have somebody that really understands that to the core, you know. So, yeah, and also just be, I know that we have to go because I could keep talking forever and ever, but I, I do wanna say that because of the fact that ADHD is so, it’s a hereditary, mostly hereditary, disability, which we don’t like to say. But it is, the parents are struggling in a different way too. So parents who have ADHD, they absolutely need to understand themselves. And also, I, it’s amazing. I find parents that have ADHD are harder on their children that have ADHD I think because they struggled so badly. They don’t want their child to struggle the way that they did. So, they’re so much more intense about, you know, don’t do this or don’t do that because they know they know the repercussions. And so that’s important for them to, to grasp their own, to learn all about it. , because we know we need our own parenting, help us people that have ADHD.
FRANCES ( 00:38:37): It takes a village.
HANNA ( 00:38:39): And I thank God for people like you though. I’m so, I’m, I’m so happy that there are people like you out there.
FRANCES ( 00:38:45): And I think that there’s people like you because it’s the same thing that parents, you know, you get that new diagnosis. Parents don’t know where to turn, they don’t know where to turn. You know, I still get people say really like there’s education attorneys, you know, I’m like, right, like
HANNA ( 00:39:00): we’re there for you for making some noise.
FRANCES ( 00:39:03): Thank you and thank you so much for coming on the show. I know you, all your information is gonna be in the show notes underneath and will be posted. This has been so awesome.
HANNA ( 00:39:14): It has been. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it and keep on keeping on all the good work.
FRANCES ( 00:39:20): You, you too.
HANNA ( 00:39:22): Ok, I appreciate you.
VOICEOVER ( 00:39:23): You’ve been listening to Stress-Free IEP®. With your host Frances Shefter. Remember you do not need to do it all alone. You can reach Frances through ShefterLaw.com where prior episodes are also posted. Thank you for your positive reviews, comments and sharing the show with others through YouTube, LinkedIn, Apple Podcast, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher and more.
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